Turn On The Light

capitalism on parade!

2008-11-30T09:50:00.005-08:00

CBC News
Police struggle to identify suspects in Wal-Mart trampling death

"When they [officials] were saying they had to leave, that an employee got killed, people were yelling 'I've been on line since yesterday morning,"' said Kimberly Cribbs. "They kept shopping.

90 years after the wars were supposed to be over

2008-11-11T22:23:00.002-08:00

Down here, Veterans Day doesn't seem to be such a big deal. The banks are closed, but I think most people just go to work (or in my case school) like it's any other day. I had a class this morning that went til noon, so I asked my teacher if we could have a break around 11:11 so I could take a moment with the rest of eastern Canada. She instead offered that we all take a moment together as a class, which made me happy.

The moment of silence meant something different to me this year. I usually think about my grandparents who all took part in WWII, and how though I don't agree with war for any reason no matter how justified I can still respect those who have given their lives to what they think is helping the world. This year it struck me that right then, at that very moment, Canadians, Americans, people all over the world were killing each other and trying not to be killed. I wondered whether right at that moment if someone in one of the myriad of conflicts was being shot or was dying. This year, the moment of silence said something to me: We have to stop this madness and get our troops out of where they don't belong.

I've long been proud of Canada's history as a nation of peacekeepers. This time round, in Afghanistan, we started out that way but have now joined the US troops in being an occupying force and not peacekeepers at all. We are now without a doubt complicit in the bombing of innocent civilians, and I think that needs to stop now.

It had been lingering in the back of my head that once we had the election we'd be able to get the troops back, because the Liberals and the NDP would be in power and the Conservatives would be out on their ears. With this stronger Conservative government in power it distresses me greatly to see that such an idea isn't going to happen any time soon.

I'm not sure how to wrap this up. Maybe just: Never forget, and (please) never again.

I think I figured it out

2008-11-09T12:02:00.002-08:00

I have a sneaking suspicion that I'll be doing Harvey Milk for my thesis production. My opinion might change in the next few days, but I'm pretty sure. The story is just so compelling, and timely given that yet another set of idiotic gay marriage bans have just been voted in...

inertia

2008-11-01T15:35:00.002-07:00

I'm having a day where my work has slowed and I kind of can't (or won't) get anything done productively. I think it's something to do with the fall really setting in: It reminds me me of the scary post-summer times in my life when the seasonal work dried up and I found myself beginning to be confined indoors with nothing to do. I don't know why, but that's just a very lonely feeling.

It's funny how when I don't have a million meetings or classes I suddenly feel kind of empty. I wonder if that's the way I keep from examining myself, and as a result we get kinda freaked out when I have a moment to do it. Or maybe it's just jonesing for the adrenaline rush that a lot of work provides.

There's a lot of good happening in my life right now. Strange that I can still manage to feel lonely in the midst of it. Time to shake it off...

thesis!?

2008-10-30T22:03:00.003-07:00

Next week I present my top three choices for a thesis production. This not only amazes me (how could I almost be done!?) but also kind of terrifies me. I really don't know which 3 I'll present, but I have a short list:

Akhnaten by Philip Glass
The story of an Egyptian Pharaoh who went against the powerful priests and tried to adopt a monotheistic religion. Didn't work out too well for him - perhaps he should have tried the slogan "change we can believe in"? The music is quite interesting and the libretto is very open-ended. I think there could be some good potential for a lot of abstraction in the set, giving lighting a lot more importance.

Harvey Milk by Stewart Wallace
I've known the story for a long time but only just found out about the opera. The story is very modern and compelling, and for a long time made me very angry with all concerned. The music is great and the piece itself is an interesting mix of opera and musical theatre styles.

The Crucible by Robert Ward, based on the play by Arthur Miller
An opera based on (and using most of the text from) a play with huge cultural significance. The issue of private life versus personal life as related to the role of the state and society give the opera some real meat. I always liked the play, and the opera is pretty fantastic.

The Adding Machine by Elmer Rice
I designed a severely edited version of this play years ago, and really loved it. It's on the verge of Symbolism but has a distinctly grounded American flavour. What do the Elysian Fields look like, I wonder?

Endgame by Samuel Beckett
I really love this play, possibly more than all other ones I'm thinking about for thesis. The only trouble is that since it's Beckett there's not a lot of design room. I might propose doing Endgame and adding a short to it (Krapp's Last Tape is a possibility) so there's a bit more to work with lighting-wise.

Other options include The Skin of Our Teeth (Wilder), and Venus (Suzan Lori Parks).

Who will make the final cut? Stay tuned...

well shit

2008-10-15T17:41:00.002-07:00

So not only is the country now officially "more conservative," but my province is responsible for four of those new seats - arg!

There died all the strategic voting nonsense, I suppose. People (all 59% of us, what the hell is going on with my country!?) seem to have voted their consciences, and their consciences in many case were apparently leaning to the right.

I'm in the middle of a major project right now, and am having a hard time focusing on it. I think it's a combination of burnout from the show I just closed (successfully, by all accounts) all the election madness on both sides of the border, and the wedding that I recently attended that have created some sort of perfect storm of lacklustre feeling. It will get done, however, by hook or by crook.

I'm excited to hear the final U.S. presidential debate tonight, if only because it signifies a matter of weeks before the Yanks vote a septuagenarian and a ditzy northern secessionist into power. Then things will get really interesting down here!

only slightly dated

2008-06-09T11:19:00.001-07:00

dude.

2008-06-07T12:17:00.001-07:00

Washington Post: D.C. Police to Check Drivers In Violence-Plagued Trinidad

"My reaction is, welcome to Baghdad, D.C.," said Arthur Spitzer, legal director for the ACLU's Washington office. "I mean, this is craziness. In this country, you don't have to show identification or explain to the police why you want to travel down a public street."

wonna tha guys

2008-05-14T17:06:00.002-07:00

I think it's funny how some of us take for granted the generally politically correct environment we live in. In school I'm part of an exceedingly liberal and open community, and there is little time for people who, out of fear or insecurity, crack inappropriate jokes at the expense of someone else's sexuality or gender. Now that classes have finished and I'm out in the real world a little more, I find myself sometimes rudely awakened to the fact that there are a lot of ignorant opinions and uncontrolled testosterone out there.

The funny thing is, that while I think it's definitely a generational thing - older men tend to be less at ease with others' differences - it is absolutely something that's being passed down through our respective cultures as well. I've noticed a much higher number of young African American men making ignorant or derogatory statements about gay people for example. It makes me wonder exactly how far our civilized veneer is actually going to cover.

And I suppose the mere fact that I frame it in those terms speaks to something as well: Are we actually changing people's minds with our efforts at tolerance, or are we merely shutting people up? My uncle made the point a while back that the notion of "colour-blindness" in terms of cultures is ridiculous, because the black guy across the road does look different than you and it's silly to ignore that. I tend to agree, but I think it's more that we need to find a place where we can look at a person who look or behaves differently than we do and say "so what?"

Is that a painfully obvious statement?

Back to the older men I've been watching - I've been in a few situations lately where I have to interact with these types, and really it's strange because so much of their culture is based on these shared ideas that are clearly at odds with the way most younger people are raised. I find myself wanting to integrate into the group, but not willing to play the game. An acquaintance of mine, who happens to be gay, also has to deal with these kinds of guys regularly and I can only imagine how tough it must be to tread that line between standing up for yourself and being a part of the gang.

More to come on this subject, I'm sure...

show over

2008-04-08T23:54:00.003-07:00

The show I did had its short run and is now closed. I always feel we get the show to where we want it, to a place where I'm proud and excited to see it run, and then discover that's the last performance.

I'm proud of my work on this one. I took a ridiculously small amount of resources and squeezed them for all they were worth. In the end, I may have pushed the limits a bit (I think I may get in trouble with the school for some unconventional stuff I might have done to the building) but the show needed it and I delivered.

School still has a month to go. I think I was done with this semester weeks ago, but I can keep going for a little while longer. The trouble is getting the motivation going for the final push. As they say in our drafting classes, you have to start strong, finish strong.

I've realised recently, through a number of reminders, that I haven't really been analysing my motives or beliefs as much as I used to. I've just been trying to get things done and put away. I think I need some more time for self-reflection, and that will help my motivation. Now if only I can find the time for that.... Maybe that's part of why I'm writing this right now, hmmm....

My bank has been bought by another bank. This kind of scares me, but at this point I have so little cash in my savings it shouldn't matter much if it disappeared. Maybe I should be like David Belasco and keep it in a myriad of safes in my apartment. Heh, of course I'd only need one tiny safe in actuality. Maybe two if the money was in $1 bills. :)

I might be working in Utah this summer, if I can get the work permission squared away! Which reminds me, I should hit the hay in anticipation of taking a passport photo of myself...

it's sunny and cold

2008-03-25T12:53:00.003-07:00

Another long-overdue post...sometime I need to figure out a way to do these while on the subway or something.

It's been a pretty crazy time, the last few months. School continues unabated, and is continually challenging me. I'm a bit worn out these days, but I know this is good for me and I can see that I'm doing good work. Hopefully that will translate into some good prospects once I get out next year (yikes!) but we'll see.

Another friend of mine passed away totally unexpectedly in January, and I went home for about four days to go to the funeral. I think that any ideas I had about there being a sense of justice in the universe totally vanished that week. I really miss Alishia, and it hit her sister and her family really hard. I've found myself thinking about how when I was in town last summer she came out to meet me at a bar one night and we totally missed each other somehow. I didn't think very much of it, but that would have been the last time I saw her before she died, and now that seemingly small moment has a stronger significance. When I was back home for the funeral I tried to see as many people as I could.

In happier news, I'm currently working on a show that promises to be a lot of fun. It's taking place in a really small studio space so we're trying to eke out as much fun lighting as we can with a tiny (stone age) lighting system. I actually bought a piece of lighting equipment for this show, and I hope it was wise of me. I find it funny that my conceptual projects at school go upwards of 300 lights and the shows I'm doing in the real world have about 6. But I suppose they both work different design muscles, so that's a good thing.

Today I walked down the street without a jacket on! Of course, I was still pretty chilly, but it looks like spring is on the way at last. I really love springtime in NYC, before the thermometer bursts through the top in May-June. I bet today the park was packed with people, even though it's a weekday. Heh, and I just realised I wrote "the park" instead of "Central Park"...I guess I am becoming a New Yorker. Next I'll probably start referring to NYC as "the city," like it's the only real one.

Oh, and hey: I'm seeing someone! Totally unexpected, I wasn't really looking at the time, but she's great! She's smart, warm, beautiful....I'm pretty happy. If I may say so I'm pretty impressed that we can keep some form of dating life while both in grad school madness.

For the Vancouverites: I may be back in town in late June/early July to do a dance piece, which is exciting! The employment situation out here is pretty murky right now, so it may not happen if I suddenly get a good summer gig, but I'm looking forward to the prospect of visiting home again. I hope you guys are appreciating your beautiful city - NYC has many great things but Vancouver is pretty fantastic in its own right.

I guess that's it for now! I always promise more exciting updates, but you know how that goes...
maybe in less than 3 months next time, how's that sound?

my neighbourhood in the news

2008-01-11T11:44:00.000-08:00

I walk through this park all the time on my way to/from the train. Makes you wonder...

In lieu of all that updating I should have done...

2007-12-26T15:46:00.000-08:00

1. What did you do in 2007 that you'd never done before?
I rode the Wonder Wheel.
I rented an apartment of my own.
I designed an off-off-broadway show, and I designed a mainstage show at school.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I didn't have any. This year it might be the old standby: Get in better shape. Take that to mean what you will ("shape up, you bastard!").

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Not yet! This June, I believe...Rachael? :)

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Larisa. Such a terrible waste; she is deeply missed by many.

5. What countries did you visit?
USA, Canada.

6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?
Stability.

7. What date from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
The day I came home and Caitlin had moved out. I opened the door and it was like someone punched me in the stomach. I just stood in the doorway and started crying.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Finishing half of my degree! Holy crap.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Hard to say.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I hurt my arm (exercising), and my back (living). Getting old, I guess.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
The most useful was my electric eraser, hands down.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Instead of pepper spray, you mean? How about the New Orleans protesters who were attacked by police while trying to save their homes? More on that here.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
I'll give you three guesses.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Tuition, followed by rent as a close second.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
A girl named Sara.
Bad Religion in NYC.
Kid Koala on a boat!

16. What song will always remind you of 2007?
"Sun in an Empty Room" by the Weakerthans

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? Generally sadder, but getting better.
ii. thinner or fatter? About the same.
iii. richer or poorer? In terms of knowledge and experience, much richer. In terms of my bankbook, much poorer.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Painting.
Languages (French, Russian).
Paying designs.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Electrics calls (though not many!)
Procrastinating.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
I spent xmas watching DVDs and drinking. It was great.

21. Did you fall in love in 2007?
No. Maybe. We'll see.

22. How many one-night stands?
None.

23. What was your favorite TV program?
I don't have a TV, but I guess Battlestar Galactica? Maybe Big Love.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
No.

25. What was the best book you read?
Art and Physics, by Leonard Shlain.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
MC Lars.
Wilco.
Dynomite D.
Rediscovering Joe Strummer and Geoff Berner.

27. What did you want and get?
A great summer internship experience. That continues to pay off, it seems.

28. What did you want and not get?
Stability.

29. What was your favorite film of this year?
300. Just kidding. I actually didn't get out to the movies much this year. Was A History of Violence 2007? I really enjoyed that film. Across the Universe was good...

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned older, and to celebrate I went out drinking with a large number of people who were younger than me. It was fun, and I was fall-down drunk...

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Being able to keep the apartment I'd lived in for the year previous.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?
Cleaning up. More buttoned shirts, some smart-ish pants, nicer jeans. To be continued...

33. What kept you sane?
The shrink I started seeing.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Umm...I don't know. Claire Danes is a good standby.

35. What political issue stirred you the most?
The US government's continued thinly-veiled attempts to shore up their own power in the world in the name of peace and goodwill. Hypocritical motherfuckers. I hope writing that doesn't get me thrown in some black site somewhere.

36. Who did you miss?
Caitlin.
Larisa.

37. Who was the best new person you met?
Hard to say, there are a lot. Probably the lovely Jen Cramm.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007.
It will all get done. You can get it all done. It may not be perfect, but you can get it all done.

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
"Why, why can't I draw right up to what I want to say?
Why can't I ever stop where I want to stay?"

Happy 2008, everyone...maybe I'll wave from Times Sq on New Year's Eve...

on break!!!

2007-12-22T10:35:00.000-08:00

I've been on break from classes for just over a week now. I'm starting to feel pretty fantastic.

The few weeks prior were really, really hard. We were finishing projects like mad, and
I was trying to catch up on a lot of stuff that had fallen behind because of work I was doing outside of school (designing some other student shows). It all came to a head about the day before the last day of classes, and now the lack of (immediate) assignments has left me feeling kind of weightless. But it's a weightlessness that feels pretty damn good, I have to say.

I had a friend visiting over the past week, and that was pretty fantastic. Not only is it a chance to reconnect, but getting out and about a little, doing the tourist thing is refreshing after months sequestered in the studio.

Last night I slept for 10 hours. 10 HOURS. I feel great!

this is a few days old

2007-11-17T12:53:00.000-08:00

Quick post in the midst of working. So Ban Ki-Moon went to Antarctica this week to look at evidence of climate change, which is great. Of course since everyone seems to ignore the UN these days I wonder how much impact it will actually have.

However, I was struck by this statement he made during his trip:

 "Again, I was told by the scientist that entire western Antarctica
is now floating. This is one fifth of...the size of this total
continent. If it breaks up, the sea level may rise as much as
6 metres. 18 feet.  This is very alarming."

Very alarming!? Holy fucking shit! A GLOBAL increase of 18 FEET!?
That would mean that my apartment in Harlem would be almost
on thewater! Imagine how many people would be displaced if
something like that happened WORLDWIDE. Will it take a
cataclysmic event like that to get our heads out of our asses and
do something about this? I mean, I recycle, I take transit, I pay
extra for "green" electricity...there's only so much I can do to stop
this. Our governments have the gall to snub even the tiniest
proposals for cutting greenhouse emissions while things like this
wait in the wings.

post-remembrance day entry

2007-11-12T22:52:00.000-08:00

Remembrance Day isn't a holiday down here, so it was a bit weird to walk around and not have an event to go to. In amongst the crazy amount of work I had to do on the weekend, though, it was good to chat with my folks on the phone and to take a moment to think about all the crap people have had to deal with as a result of our stupid historical disputes, and to honour them for committing to something they thought was a higher ideal.

"Theirs are the skies all dark with bombers, and mine is the peace we know, between the wars"

-------
In other news, the sad/lonely/stressed thing shows no signs of abating, but I'm getting lots of good advice from friends (except Dereck...wait, that was pretty good advice) so hopefully things will turn around next week when the next wave of assignments are done and school pressure laxes off a bit. It's officially 4 weeks until my classes finish for the first semester. I am going to enjoy this break so much. Time to get some perspective...

I'm sure it's the lack of sleep

2007-11-08T01:12:00.000-08:00

I've been in a serious funk lately. My work hasn't been any good, I'm lonely, I've been in the morass of nostalgia about past relationships (hopefully resurfacing from that)... I know my life isn't really hard but it sure feels that way right now.

There aren't enough hours in the day. And I just wasted a few minutes more.

Arg. I just had to say that. Sorry. More productive thoughts to come in late Nov.

Edit: Okay good news because that's a shit post to make without good news. I did a show at school and people liked it. I learned a lot.

wtf

2007-09-27T08:13:00.000-07:00

Apparently there's some sort of furor back home about outspoken radio commentator Bruce Allen's rant about recent immigrant (mostly Sikh-related) issues that have been popping up in the news.

People have been labeling Allen as racist, but I don't think that's true. What Allen is being, is an ignorant ass and while his opinion may be fueled by racist sentiment it seems to me to fall into more jingoism than anything else.

I'm reminded of Vietnam-era conservatives who said to those against the war "if you don't like it you can move to Russia." This line of argument is, of course, totally absurd: The whole reason we can call ourselves a free country is precisely because laws can be shaped by the people. If a law is seen to be out of date or unfair to a specific group (religious or otherwise) we are allowed to change it. If we simply told everyone who didn't like an unfair law that they can like it or lump it we wouldn't have made any progress in our country at all.

And of course Allen's comments smack to me of a guy coming from a privileged background (he is quite wealthy), and from the white majority of Canada's diverse population. I wonder how his perspective might change if a law affected his own status in Canada... Maybe something like a regulation that ex-music producers must never wear ugly turtleneck sweaters after a certain age. Would he quietly acquiesce and adhere to his "love it or leave it" argument?

This summer I was working at several major news organisations here in the big dirty city. I'd be remiss if I didn't point out on the scale of ignorant, stupid and actually racist jerks in the media, Allen barely registers. I'm glad we haven't managed to get quite as far in our ridiculousness as our shock-jock neighbours to the south.

As a bit of an addendum, Allen also brought up the whole elections Canada issue about veiled muslim women (wearing as he called them "burquas" which denotes a certain ignorance on the issue). This seems to be a story that is totally misunderstood and, it seems, continually exploited by right-wingers. When women wearing niqabs cross through airport security they are required to show their faces, and this has never been an issue. I refer you to the following article:

CBC.ca
Afifa Naz, an engineer in Montreal, wears a niqab but understands there are situations in which she must unveil. "This is not something we demand," she told CBC News. "We can accommodate the needs of society while practising our religion."

a friend of mine is dead

2007-09-17T20:45:00.000-07:00

Why the hell am I writing about this? I don't know. I'm very upset. Here's a link to the news story http://www.cbc.ca/world/story/2007/09/17/thai-plane.html

this can't be good

2007-09-13T22:04:00.000-07:00

Well, it looks like we're taking a page from the playbook of our neighbours to the south and are not going to adhere to a UN resolution... I know it's non-binding, but really if the majority of the world agrees with the spirit of the thing shouldn't we? As mad as I am about this, it doesn't seem all that surprising, though. I wonder how many other UN resolutions we've just ignored?

and away we go!

2007-09-04T21:47:00.001-07:00

Well, the first day back to class has just ended. Well, not just ended (that would really suck if classes ended at 1am), but I got in at around 10:30pm. I will be reading a play this evening. And one tomorrow. And probably one the next day. I already have a design assignment, on top of the show I'm doing as part of our season. I start work at my library job tomorrow, which I'm hoping will give me a chance to covertly read plays.

I'm going to have to change my sleeping habits, it appears. I have several early morning classes and work shifts per week, which worries me a bit because I'm not a morning person. But I will be, I guess!

As part of my "stress less, live more" plan for this year I hope to keep the updates going on this thing, but there's a significant chance you won't be hearing much from me between now and December. I'll try my best, though!

Okay, off to read me some Euripides then hit the hay...

gabba gabba hey

2007-09-02T20:11:00.000-07:00

If I were ever to have kids, they would definitely this show! It's about time some undeniably cool people started making children's programs. Since it seems that a large proportion of my friends are getting married and having kids, I imagine there are a ton of young moms and dads who appreciate that they can watch The Aquabats, Biz Markie, or Tony Hawk with their kids!

...now what's wrong with this picture?

2007-08-31T09:26:00.001-07:00

Glad to know we have our news priorities straight.

good job, guys

2007-08-23T21:54:00.000-07:00

CBC News: Quebec police admit they went undercover at Montebello summit
"[Our union] believes that the security force at Montebello were ordered to infiltrate our peaceful assembly and provoke incidents," said Coles, president of the Communications, Energy and Paperworkers Union.

the children are our future

2007-08-22T09:14:00.000-07:00

I love my country. One of the greatest things about being a Canadian is that not only do we value the importance of national identity but also the strength of our nation and its citizens. At Camp Okutta kids learn valuable survival tactics like how to walk through a minefield, and how to fire an AK-47. Check out their website here - their location is the really interesting part.

another amazing speech

2007-08-07T20:17:00.000-07:00

So I've written about Harold Pinter's Nobel speech, and a while ago I posted some of Robert Fisk's interview on the crisis in Lebanon last year. Here is a link to another amazing speech I heard courtesy of NPR. It's about an hour long, but I urge you to take the time to listen to at least part of it. The player on the page is for streaming audio, but you can also download it through the links at the bottom and then listen to as much or as little as you want at your leisure (and skip the headlines at the beginning of the program if you're not into them).

Speeches like this alternately fascinate, energise, and enrage me. I always wish I was doing more, and can only hope that I have a positive effect on this world through what I do as an artist.

helping out

2007-08-07T06:52:00.000-07:00

So a while ago a friend of mine committed herself to the challenge of posting to her blog every weekday. She's out of the country on vacation, and as an end-run around lack of internet (and better things to do, I'm sure!) she's got friends to post to her blog while she's away. I'm taking up a bit of the slack, posting yesterday and today. Check out some random thoughts at my friend Randomgirl's blog here.

on leaving home...again

2007-07-15T21:30:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting in the Calgary international terminal, waiting for my flight to board. On out flight into Calgary we were delayed by a thunderstorm over the city, which we were able to watch from the air - an incredible experience, which was followed by one of the most amazing sunsets I've ever seen. Of course I'd stowed my camera up above, so I couldn't document either of these, grrr. I guess it will have to live on in my memory alone, unless I get much better at painting. I keep meaning to draw and paint, and somehow never get to it. Perhaps that's reason for a summertime resolution.

I think coming back home was good, but it was even harder to leave this time. I guess now that I'm able to assess a lot of the pros and cons of NYC and Vancouver, it's frustrating to leave the city I think I took too much for granted while I was here. You Vancouverites are so lucky, I hope you remember that every day.

That's not to say I'm not excited about heading back to "The City," but I guess I just want to be able to take the parts of Vancouver I love (mountains, clean air, general courtesy) and meld it with New York's finer points (enormous arts scene, incredible fine arts and research resources, 24 hour transit and restaurants).

I already miss how comfortable I feel in Vancouver, and how safe I feel even in the "bad" parts of town. I worry that Vancouver may turn into a big dirty city like the one I'm heading to while I'm away, and while I don't think it's terribly rational it's still a worry.

I felt so apprehensive when I made this trip last year, and now all I feel is a sort of anticipation that's almost devoid of emotion. I guess it's an excitement but not a raw feeling, and maybe that's because I don't know really what to feel when I arrive. What is waiting for me there? Last year it was a new city with many many unknowns, a new life, and a person I cared really deeply about. Now it's a long subway ride, an apartment, a job that starts up again on Tuesday and another year of intense work. And a whole new perspective. Perhaps the way I'm feeling is a defense mechanism: I'm trying not to let my feelings for home get to me. That's probably true, but I wish I could reconcile that, so I could move on. I guess that I admittedly have given myself a very short time to do that - I suppose I know that if I wait it will all fade.

I took some pictures of home; I hadn't realised how few pictures I'd taken before I left. I'll try to post some soon. And, funnily enough, need to remind myself to take more pictures of my new home when I get back.

Something more wistful and fond will follow, don't worry. :)

health update

2007-06-28T16:17:00.000-07:00

So I went to the doctor today. They're testing my blood...ugh. But the first theory is that, as a vegetarian, I may not be getting enough B-12 in my diet. Now, I think that the sheer amount of cheese I consume should offset any problems associated with this, but I'm not going to argue. Theory number two is that I might be anemic because of my vegetarianism. Well, again I have to say that's pretty unlikely because I try to eat my leafy greens and (I think) keep a pretty balanced diet when it comes to protein consumption and other things, but who knows?

Some things that got ruled out right away: Ear infection, eye trouble, heart trouble (although low blood pressure is apparently still on the table).

The scary thing is when she said "usually something like this is easily solvable by changing your diet. There's only a 1% chance it could be a brain tumor or something". Well I guess that's kind of reassuring. :)

trouble

2007-06-24T10:44:00.000-07:00

I've had some vaguely disquieting experiences lately, raising some questions about my physical wellbeing. While I'm not the kind of guy to go visit a doctor (I'm not sure why; I go to the dentist all the time but doctors are a bit of a different story for me) I think I may have to schedule something...

Over the last year I've had periodic trouble with my equilibrium. Every now and then it feels like the ground is swelling underneath me, just enough to make me feel a little off kilter. I don't even think it's noticeable to others, but I sway just a bit.

So funnily enough, I was on a boat the other day and felt generally fine, but upon returning to land it seems that (and maybe it's just me being hyper-aware of it now) these incidents of equilibrium-weirdness have increased.

Something much worse happened today, though. I had been drinking the night before, and also had eaten a ton of junk food, which probably didn't help things. But I was standing on the L train and all of a sudden a blistering whiteness crept up on all sides of my field of vision, and continued to grow until I couldn't see anything but white. This lasted for probably a few seconds, but it was terrifying. I thought it might be a sign of being about to faint (which might make sense since I was pretty dehydrated and had a bunch of sugar in my stomach) so I grabbed the subway pole a little tighter (there were no seats, and I couldn't see to get to one anyway) and rode the feeling out. Eventually the whiteness dissipated and I could see again, thank goodness, but then I was overtaken by a severe wave of nausea, and thought I might lose my lunch on the train. I was determined to not let this happen as well, and made it above ground about 20 minutes later in pretty rough shape. I really thought I was going to throw up and looked for a likely spot to do it as I headed home. I came upon this oil drum and thought "okay this is perfect," but as I (and this sounds funny in retrospect) took the gum out of my mouth and threw it away in preparation to puke, the feeling abruptly vanished. And now (having slept a few hours more) I'm feeling more-or-less fine. Weird stuff.

So yeah, maybe it's time to get checked out.

UPDATE: So I was looking online and the internet tells me that dehydration is a common cause for "vertigo or light-headedness with loss of function" which is as close as I can come to a definition of what happened. Apparently dehydration can sometimes be a factor related to blood not circulating properly, which causes dizziness and things. So hopefully it's just that I needed to drink more water.

all your scribbled lovedreams are lost or thrown away

2007-06-14T11:27:00.000-07:00

This is going to be a bit random, so bear with me.

It's been a bit of a rocky road recently. Caitlin's run off to Europe, and won't be back in NYC for a while because she's teaching in PA right afterwards. I think we have a shot at being friends, I'm glad about that, but it's still very odd to not have her here.

I had been talking with the Shrink about the fact that I haven't been single in a long time - a very long time. I guess the last time I wasn't dating someone was the summer of Grade 12. I was joking that relationships were like an addiction for me, but maybe that wasn't a joke. I feel like a part of me is missing: The part that I have by sharing myself with someone else.

After Caitlin left, I fell into a brief romance with a girl I had recently met. I knew that I was 'on the rebound,' and she knew as well...it was clearly a bad idea because I hadn't come to terms with anything about my relationship with Caitlin ending. The frightening thing was that I think it could have easily become a more serious relationship, and a part of me really really wanted that (maybe still wants that) despite my better judgment. But I stepped back, and she found someone else, which I guess says something...

I'm living alone for the first time in my life. When I was looking for an apartment I knew this was what I wanted, but now it's a little scary. I mean, I could be really solitary if I let myself. But I clearly don't want that. So I think the biggest problem I'm having now is loneliness. Or maybe it's really independence: I'm used to being alone, but not used to being on my own - does that make sense? I've managed to find some new groups of people to hang out with, but it all seems superficial compared to the intensity of a relationship.

How odd to find myself here. I never would have thought anything like this would happen. But it's also exciting, in the way that being in a car accident is kind of exciting once it's over and you know you're more-or-less okay. Who knows what will happen next?

I'm really looking forward to going back to Vancouver in July. Being back there will, I hope, help ground me a little. I'm really excited to see everyone after a year away, and to be back in the place I call home.

squeaky clean

2007-06-01T00:20:00.000-07:00

First of all, I love open WiFi networks. I'm sitting in the living room of my new apartment, pirating the internet to my heart's content.

So I have a new place to live. It's not as nice (or as large) as the last place, and it costs more, but it's got a lot more character (the building is quite old, although I'm not sure of its exact age), and
it's a lot more stereotypically New York in a lot of ways. I'll try to take a few snapshots once it's a little more organised, you'll see what I mean.

Tonight I painted the last wall of the old apartment back to its original, slightly dull colour. Caitlin was there too, helping clean up after completing her portion of the painting the night before. That wasn't as weird as either of us thought it would be, I think - it's been good to see her after what seems like a really long time, and I think we're transitioning into the friends thing pretty well. She leaves the city (and the country) next week to assist a designer in Prague, which is pretty incredible. Her life is changing a lot now that she's quitting her current job to freelance as a sound designer. I think she'll do really well, and I hope she has the opportunity to prove that.

So the old apartment is now bare, and Caitlin and I now no longer have any financial or legal ties to one another. I came back to my new place tonight and, after a little organising and cleanup, took a long, cool shower. As much as I hate to reference Sam Shepard, it reminded me of one of the final scenes of Curse of the Starving Class, where a cold bath makes Weston feel like he could take on the world (although hopefully it's not too late for me, as it was for Weston).

As I looked over the apartment with what I guess can be called "fresh eyes" I suddenly felt contentment, which surprised me. After all the turmoil surrounding the old place, the search for this place, and the move, it feels good to know that I can say once again "if someone asks, this is where I'll be."

ch-ch-ch-changes...

2007-05-16T12:26:00.000-07:00

Holy shit it's been a crazy month. Sorry, I just don't know how to sum that up any better.

I have a new apartment, or I will June 1 which is what's important. Since I couldn't pick up the lease for my current place from Caitlin I had to dive into the nasty world of NYC real estate again. The place I found was just around the corner from my current place, only 3 blocks away. I'm a little worried about it, but I think I would be about any new place and at least this way I know the neighbourhood already. Plus the new place is literally down the road from the local police and fire stations, which is comforting.

Both my mom and uncle are in town right now, and I'm feeling slightly guilty that I don't have a lot of time for them. Next week should be better, though.

Caitlin and I, after a lot of stress surrounding the division of stuff and this apartment thing, have finally managed to have a normal conversation. I'm going to miss being with her a lot; she's been with me for so long and through so much. But it's looking like we can be friends which is great. She's going away for the summer, and I hope that the distance will give us an oportunity to redefine ourselves as friends - I know for me it's been hard not talking and knowing she's not far away.

And I started a job this week! 9-5 M-F: I'm kind of excited at that prospect. Maybe I'll actually see some friends in the city this summer!

Overall, things seem to be looking up, although there's still a little internal turmoil on my part. There's a part of me that's just downright scared about being on my own here, but I also know it's going to be exciting...

2007-04-11T23:11:00.000-07:00

well. Now the crunch time is upon us at school and things are revving up for the next two weeks of projects that are due. This is probably the last post for a while, so I thought I'd leave an update.

I'm doing alright, I guess. Although I'm on the verge of losing it a few times a day. How come I never noticed how often people talk about their boyfriends/girlfriends? I realised this evening that I still had a picture of Caitlin on the "wallpaper" of my phone - it's a great picture, and I like it there, but I felt obligated to change it given the circumstances. And then I felt sad changing it. And then I nearly lost it in class.

This schedule isn't helping my emotional wellbeing much. I was telling my dad today on the phone that I'll deal with it after April 27, and should probably mark it in my calendar to make sure it gets done. :)

On the lighter side, there's a lot of support out there for me right now and that feels good. Word is apparently getting around.

Time for bed. Thanks to those who posted last week, I just needed to know someone was out there...

Oh, and to end on a positive note, a joke I was told the other day (we were reading American Buffalo in class, if that serves as explanation):

A businessman is walking down the street in New York and a homeless guy comes up to him and asks for spare change. The businessman looks down his nose at the homeless guy and says
""Neither a borrower nor a lender be. " –Shakespeare."
The homeless guy looks at him and says "Fuck you! –Mamet."

oh man

2007-04-02T21:58:00.000-07:00

Emotional rollercoaster. I'm hitting highs and lows with amazing speed. I think this means I don't know what I'm really feeling at all. One minute I'm fine and the next I'm about to lose it (especially good in class - suddenly everyone is talking about their girlfriends).

I'm feeling very alone, please say hi if you read this...

day 2 is harder than day 1

2007-04-01T01:22:00.000-07:00

Frustration, anger, sadness. Rearrange, repeat.

I'm sitting in my now half-empty apartment, not knowing if I will be able to live here after May. The place is bare, barren. It's like this enormous part of my life never happened, and I would almost believe that, except I'm sitting here - not knowing what to so or how to feel.
I've been alternately choking on tears and anger, frustrated that it's nobody's 'fault' and feeling so sad at the unexpected way this turned out.

It's not without irony that I've spent the last 6 hours cleaning the place. No matter how hard I scrub....it's very Lady Macbeth of me, isn't it? Fuck.

Edit: Perhaps more Curse of the Starving Class than Macbeth...

...on the up-side I'm posting more

2007-03-29T20:56:00.000-07:00

Well. Day 1. Not the greatest day, but made it through.

Positives: some people clued in pretty quick and were supportive; I have some friends in the city after all. Also a few farther flung ones (thanks for the good thoughts).

Negatives: Incapable of doing work. One of my classmates has just become 'officially' a boyfriend and is feeling great, expects me to understand the greatness of being with someone you love. Had to hear my dad say 'I told you so' in not so many words.

Interesting things: Many people couldn't see anything was wrong. My teachers kept their distance today, I think their spider-sense was tingling.

Should get to bed, following wholly unproductive evening. Up at 5 to take picture of sunrise, fuckin' A. Before I do, I should say that I understand. It makes me sad and maybe a little frustrated, but I understand.

"Home - is where I want to be
But I guess I'm already there
I come home - she lifted up her wings
Guess that this must be the place
I can't tell one from another
Did I find you, or you find me?
There was a time, before we were born
If someone asks, this where I'll be . . . where I'll be"

On to day 2...

where did that world go again?

2007-03-24T21:14:00.000-07:00

I guess it's not without irony that after getting my act together things have fallen apart in a totally spectacular and unexpected way. Not only is there nothing I can do, but it seems I'm unable to keep my mind on anything at all for more than a minute or two at a time. The last few days have been wholly unproductive, and I know I need to get back into it or else I'm screwed, but tell that to my stupid heart, which has me flailing all over the place.

Apparently the only thing I'm good at now is overeating and wasting time on the internet.

still kicking

2007-03-12T14:52:00.000-07:00

Okay, very very briefly: Had one of the more stressful times of my life in the last two weeks, and I'm now attempting to pull things back together. The only down side is it's spring break right now (which actually means nothing - I have a ton of work due next Monday) and the lack of structure in my days are kind of killing my productivity.

I really lost sight of myself and real life in the last month, and it showed in the way my relationship with Caitlin got a bit rocky. Now it's time to do things sensibly, keep the priorities in order. It's only been a few days, but I'm already starting to feel more in touch with the world, with life, and more importantly with Caitlin.

And now, back to work, and then dinner with a lovely girl. :)

In honour of reading Old Times again

2007-02-03T16:18:00.000-08:00

I posted this a while ago on another blog, but thanks to my classwork it's popped back into my head.

In 2005 Harold Pinter, one of the world's most distinguished modern playwrights, won the Nobel Prize for Literature. Pinter's plays usually deal with severely aggressive relationships, and if you ever have a chance to see plays like The Homecoming or The Caretaker I would suggest you do so. The level of tension he engenders in his plays is quite incredible.

Pinter, who I think is somewhere in his 70s now, has been a very vocal critic of apartheid, nuclear weapons stockpiles, and generally of global conflicts that are fueled by imperialist sentiment. I have, over the years, read many letters he has written to British newspapers and have always been impressed by both his eloquence and his bluntness, which are also fundamental characteristics of his work as a playwright.

But this is really special. He was given time to make an acceptance speech in 2005 when he won the Nobel Prize, to talk about his work in literature. Due to health concerns he recorded the speech, but this was played to all the Nobel Laureates at the ceremony. Here is the link to the video on the Nobel website. It not only gives great insight into his work and process, but also eloquently and unrelentingly exposes the nature of global conflict and the role played by the United States and Britain in it. It's quite long, and I urge you to find some time to watch/listen all the way through: This is one of the best speeches I have ever heard.

procrastinating already

2007-01-25T21:02:00.000-08:00

Happy 2007, everyone!

Things are rolling along out here, and are likely to pick up in a serious way over the next week or two. So of course I'm writing here instead of working, mwa ha! Actually I just wanted to jot down the screenplay for a film that will no doubt take the country by storm.

Scene: The apartment downstairs

Man is listening to terrible R&B music for the 3rd hour in a row. The stereo is set to its highest level. The floor shakes, vibrating the loose change on the coffee table of our apartment upstairs. Shot of Downstairs Guy, in musical bliss, reclining on a maroon leather sofa. He mouths along with the words of "Let's Get It On" for the 5th time.

Shot pans over to enormous speaker, woofer attempting to jump out of cabinet due obscenely loud volume setting. Cut to tight shot of massive stereo equalizer and slow pan over to "Power" button. From out of frame a black-and-white cat's paw slowly slides over the button and pushes it to the "off" position.

Cut to man jerking his head upright, turning around just as cat flies at his face, claws latching onto his head. Like the scene in Alien, the man lurches violently this way and that, crashing into things in his apartment (velvet paintings on the wall, autographed picture of Barry White etc) until finally landing on his back just in front of the massive speaker, which teeters on its tiny pedestal and then begins to fall.

The cat, sensing his work is done, releases his grip on the man's head and springs away, just before the massive speaker crushes its unhappy, claw-marked, puffy-eyed master.

[muffled cheering from upstairs, faint sound of cat food tin opening]

The End

"What are you looking at, bitch? prrrrrrrrrr..."

our neighbours

2006-12-29T20:25:00.000-08:00

The holidays are all about community, right? Coming together and celebrating our commonality as "fellow-passengers to the grave, and not another race of creatures bound on other journeys". Well not in New York Fuckin' City, I assure you. Here, then, is a brief rundown of those nearest, if not dearest, to us.

Upstairs: The Family Feud
This family of 2 thirtysomething sisters, a younger daughter and one teenage son live in a state of perpetual conflict with one-another. Argument topics range from "I hate _____ because she doesn't say hello to me and you asked her to come over" to "go back to the store and get the right fuckin' milk". That particular argument culminated in a screaming match in the stairwell outside our apartment, causing one of the angry sisters to throw a shoe at the teenage boy's head, which missed and hit our door, waking me from a nice nap.

Downstairs: The Music Man
I think he owns one CD, possibly two. He only has two CDs because he evidently sank all his money into the world's loudest sound system. His music of choice is bad R&B with repetitive walking bass lines. You can tell it's Friday, Saturday, or Sunday because the two CDs play in rotation from about 10am-midnight each day. Caitlin and I can hum the bass from most of the tunes.

To the Left: The Bad Week
This poor guy...I really became aware of him when a few months ago I heard a godawful drilling noise coming from outside, and discovered a locksmith drilling his front door lock. He had apparently locked himself out. After about an hour of drilling, prying and banging (he has the lock that's a grade below our fabulous Monster Lock, which gives me hope for the security of our apartment) he finally got in, proclaiming "thank you Jesus!" The Locksmith then went about installing the new lock. About 45 minutes after that, following the locksmith's departure, I hear my neighbour leave the apartment, then the door slam, then "OH SHIT!" There is now a gaping hole from which the new lock was forcibly removed about an hour later - he doesn't have enough money to buy another lock, but fortunately the smaller lock in the door handle still works. He is single, and comes home every night and turns the TV on very loudly, so loudly that his female friend from downstairs has to pound on the door for several minutes before he answers.

To the Right: The Cockroaches
Best neighbours ever, provided they don't visit. The apartment next to us is vacant and has been since we moved in. It's in the "re-modeling" stage right now, which means it's gutted and infested with roaches. We had the exterminator by a little while ago to stop their periodic migration to our kitchen, and so far it's working out.

And in an as-yet-unknown location: The Noisy Lovers
Oh baby. Oh baby. OH BABY. YES. YES. OHHHHHH YES. Once to twice a week. They may not be in our building at all, perhaps across the courtyard. Entertainment for the whole block, though, to be sure. :)

xmas eve post

2006-12-24T21:12:00.000-08:00

After a week of rest I'm fulfilling a promise I made to myself to post before the new year. :)

Xmas in NYC...commercial madness. We went shopping for some last minute provisions this afternoon and it was like a mosh pit in the grocery store. The thing I never get about this holiday is how it's supposed to be so very peaceful and loving, and yet it whips people up into this materialist frenzy, resulting in everyone being an absolute ass to one another in the shops.

But I guess that's not a terribly original statement, is it? For our part, Caitlin and I have been purposefully low-key this holiday: We got each other one gift, managed to self-gift thanks to xmas sales, and I managed to keep up my xmas tradition of giving to a charity. Since neither of us really got on the whole xmas card thing, we're sending "new year" cards.

The other night, in an effort to keep my little laptop ("The Master") alive for a little while longer (we've been having some issues) I dumped a bunch of photos from my hard drive, some of them dating back to 2001. I found myself hit with a serious bout of homesickness, which was compounded by emails from several far-flung friends asking if I was going to be returning home like they were. While NYC is great and I am really happy to (finally!) be in the same city as my girlfriend, I still miss home and everybody there very much.

In non-xmas news, I'm trying to savour the break-time I have from class right now, while at the same time chipping away a little at the holiday assignments. The stress of looming deadlines is starting to reappear already, but I think I'm doing pretty well right now. Our new cat, Vito, is a constant source of amusement and distraction. He was a stray; we found him in our courtyard a few weeks ago and decided to take him in. To be more descriptive, we catnapped him by luring him into a cardboard box and taking him to the vet to get checked out. Turns out he was in pretty good health and only needed some minor maintenance, and now he's transitioning to his new life as a housecat. The big concern initially was allergies: Both Caitlin and I are very allergic to cats, but as luck would have it he's not too bad for us. My eyes are a bit red most of the time but that's not bad considering.

I guess this is turning a bit rambly: I hate not having posted in a while because there's always so much to write about and I can never figure out a structure... Maybe a quick list of stats:

Number of plays read since September: 32
Number of shows seen since September: 20
Best show: Madama Butterfly at the Metropolitan Opera
Number of films watched for class: 8
Number of scenes designed for class: 19
Number of designs done for real: 2
Number of full theoretical designs: 2
Number of times I've thought "holy shit, I'm living in New York": approx. 100
Number of minor nervous breakdowns: 2
Number of times I've thought "thank goodness I have such a wonderful, understanding girlfriend": approx. 250

More to come...

and by the way, in the non-self-centred world...

2006-07-31T13:35:00.000-07:00

I just heard the first part of a really compelling interview. Robert Fisk is the Mideast Correspondent for the London Independent newspaper, and has lived in Beiruit for around 30 years. I heard a different interview with him last week and to me it's amazing that with all this madness going on in Lebanon such an articulate and knowledgable person is not being more widely quoted or interviewed.

It's pretty clear in this latest interview that he's totally exasperated with what is happening, and his bluntness, I think, lends a real power to what he says. Here's the link to the transcript, and I think you can get to the audio file from there if you want to listen.

first month in NYC

2006-07-31T05:50:00.000-07:00

After a month in the city I've accumulated some random observations:

• When it's windy it's also more dirty. I used to love windy days back home, but here tiny particles of grit fly everywhere and get into your eyes.

• It's more fun to ride the older subway cars than the newer ones because you don't get pre-recorded messages about stations, the direction of the train etc. On the older cars the conductor makes announcements themselves, and there's a wide range of styles and levels of clarity. One day before classes start Caitlin and I plan to get some lawn chairs and sit on the Penn Station platform and rate the conductors with placards like olympic judges.

• The city has a greater demand for electrical power than the infrastructure can provide. One of the reasons I'm posting this is because they anticipate a major blackout tomorrow when the tempurature rises and everyone turns up their air conditioners.

• Rich people throw away some pretty great stuff. On a couple of occasions the only thing keeping me from picking up a nice table or something is that it can't be easily carried on the subway alone. Caitlin and I just obtained a very nice little cupboard the other day from 73rd and CPW.

• Packaging. It's kind of crazy. Everything is wrapped or boxed, and then put in a plastic bag. I bought a pack of sponges the other day and mystified the clerk when I said I didn't need a bag. I've given up bringing the cloth bag to the local supermarket because it messes up their system (a sort of revolving carousel of plastic bag holders) and then they grumpily tell me to bag it all myself, which because there's nowhere to put anything is very awkward. I got groceries from another store and was given them in a paper bag inside two plastic bags. There appears to be a lack of public recycling bins, and little onus on domestic recycling.

• Subways run virtually all the time. Fan-fucking-tastic. I live near the express train and it's amazing. The cars are super air conditioned too: you could store your cold cuts in one, I'm pretty sure.

• I'm definitely having some minor Harlem culture shock. We come from very different worlds.

• Our complex's security guards, as I've overheard, are "just here for the white folk". The other night some kids spray painted love notes in fluorescent green paint, 3' from where the guards are stationed.

• Living in the same city as your girlfriend is pretty great, I think I'd forgotten just how good it is.

That's all for now, hope that wasn't too dull. Pictures will turn up soon.

on the art of gracefully falling on your face

2006-07-21T09:11:00.000-07:00

Last week I signed up at the New York Aikikai, trying to get back into my Aikido training after a fairly long absence. The instructors here are great, and the Shihans (head teachers) are very prestigious in the Aikido world. In Vancouver over the last year I'd been training off-and-on in the "softer style" of Ki-Aikido, that was based largely on form: closer to meditation than martial art. What I forgot about Aikikai, apparently, is the art of Ukemi - falling.

Because of Aikido's open class structure every level of student trains together, as a rotating series of partners: Nage, who is the one that applies the technique, and Uke, who is the one receiving the technique. This means that every new student starts by learning (usually the hard way) how to fall correctly as Uke. In fact, you can usually tell how accomplished a person is at Aikido simply by watching them get thrown or pinned - a person with really good Ukemi usually has a lot of experience. Here's a funny comic.

Yesterday, though, I had a pretty spectacular fall. It's hard to explain the circumstances leading up to it, because Aikido techniques are based in a large part on joint locking. Sometimes when a technique is applied, a sort of magic happens: All the force of Nage's body is focused on a locked joint and, as Uke, your body instinctively reacts by trying to get away from the pain. Sometimes this results in a lightning fast crumbling to the ground, or sometimes a pretty amazing midair flip. This is one of the things I like about Aikido: Your "attacker" is largely responsible for the technique's effectiveness, you just direct him to the point where he has no option but to do what you want.

Anyways, I was practicing Yokomenuchi Kotegaeshi with a really advanced student. To me it's always both really interesting and really scary to be in this situation, because you know that the magic is about to happen to you. I wasn't quite prepared for this one, and in moments I found myself turning over in mid air, my wrist in severe pain. It happened so fast that I didn't have time to prepare for my landing and, falling on my back, my head rebounded off the mat.

It's always a little humiliating when you do a bad fall. My partner was sorry for applying the technique so hard on the "new guy", which was nice, but still made me feel like a bit of an idiot. It's all a learning experience I guess. This afternoon I get to go back and have some more fun, with hopefully less crashing and burning.

hmmm

2006-07-06T07:49:00.000-07:00

I don't mean to sound paranoid, but I think someone was just killed by the CIA

2006-06-28T12:06:00.000-07:00

it is 3pm EST and I am home.

By home I mean my new NYC home. I got in about an hour ago, following more airline trials and tribulations, of which I will only say this: If, while you're walking around Vancouver, you happen to see a navy blue suitcase with red and blue straps on it please send it to me because Air Canada doesn't know where the fuck it is.

But luggage isn't that important right? The important thing is I am in the Big Apple now, and ready to stay for a while. Aside from a few minor airplane dozes I have been awake for about 28 hours. I'm feeling like I need a nap. And also feeling good.

bad customer service fiesta!

2006-06-27T21:41:00.000-07:00

It's 00:45 EST, and I'm writing this from Terminal 1 of Pearson International Airport.

"But Mike," you ask, "shouldn't you be in your nice new apartment, cuddling with your beautiful girlfriend right now?"

Aha, my readers, you're very observant! I should be in my new NYC home right now, but Air Canada cancelled my flight out of Vancouver, booked me on a later one, and thus deprived me of any chance to fix the problems associated with a big electrical storm over the east coast when I arrived in Toronto. The fuckers won't even spring for a hotel for me. And to top it all off, they accidentally sent one of my bags to Newark, New Jersey tonight. Their response? *shrug*

Now as most of you know I'm a fairly even-tempred guy, and am loath to stand up and say to someone "you've treated me unfairly," but sweet jesus this is awful! They won't even give me a freaking gift certificate to a restaurant to buy a sandwich!

Did I mention that in order to make the next flight (which, by the way is at 8:30am tomorrow) I had to claim my bags (which is how I realized one of them has already become an American resident), and now I have to wait til 5:30am, when the customs and security offices open again, so I can go through all my baggage/customs bullshit all over again a second time? Yay!

Oh, oh! AND... While I was in line to check my bags in Vancouver I got a call on my shitty Bell Canada Celphone. "This is VISA calling, are you aware Bell Canada just tried to charge you $900?" Thank goodness I used my low-limit visa when I set up that account. Now the fuckers will have to explain why they want nearly a grand for one month of phone service. A word to the wise: DON'T EVER EVER USE BELL CANADA. They have done nothing but fuck me over since I got this phone plan, and I have been stupid enough to not do anything about it. No more. Maybe it's just the tiredness talking, but I'm mighty pissed at them and their service, and I hope to hell they admit whatever mistake they've made so I don't have to do anything rash.

Okay, deep breaths now...Not too deep because I don't want to fall asleep or anything, but calming....okay.

I certainly hope I have better experiences once I get settled in NY. Although I have heard that there can be some "special" types of customer service there. Fingers crossed.

warning: sappy post ahead

2006-06-21T10:40:00.000-07:00

It's funny, thinking that in six days I'm going to leave this place for at least five months, probably longer.

I love Vancouver in many ways - I love the way the city is laid out, I love the sea, I love the mountains, I love the smell of fresh air. Really, though, I love my own comfort with the city I grew up in. I love the fact that I can hop on a bus and know pretty much everything in between my starting point and destination. I love not feeling lost or nervous. And most importantly, I love the friends I have here.

I don't really know what else to write, to be honest. Vancity has a lot of great things going for it. New York does too, I know, but I guess the comfort level isn't there yet. I'm really excited to start in a new place and do new things, just missing the support of familiar markers and familiar friends, I guess.

So hey: if you're thinking of making a move anytime soon, for purely selfish reasons I suggest NYC. If you want to bring a mountain with you that's fine too.

the voices, the voices!

2006-06-11T13:27:00.000-07:00

I've been, in the last two days, in the most natural setting I've been in for quite a long time. When I went out for a hike yesterday I had a debate with myself about whether to bring my iPod or not, and in the end decided it would defeat the purpose of a hike in nature to do so listening to the news or music. But what I realized, once on the trail, is that I've been so used to constant sound that my mind doesn't really know what to do with itself when it's not around. Being in NY means there's always some kind of ambient man-made noise, be it people hanging out on the corner outside the apartment or cars shooting by or air conditioners humming. Perhaps in retaliation to this, my mind defaults to music a lot of the time, and the purchase of an iPod appears to have helped this tendency. Now, it seems, I can't get my mind to shut up.

The natural landscape here in Banff is incredible, and sometimes it has overpowered the music. Like on my hike the other day the wind was sweeping up the side of the mountain towards me. It's one of my favourite sensations: faintly hearing the far-off trees rustle, and then, as though there's some huge animal or a giant wave crashing through the forest towards you, the nearer trees begin to move, and then the ones nearer them, closer and closer, until the forest around you is swaying and creaking and the wind is rushing through their branches above. But soon after that, much to my dismay, James Brown crept in and stayed for the rest of the way up.

I wonder if one of those monastic retreats could cure this problem. I mean, there has to be only so much mental playback I'm capable of (although as many can attest, I do have a pretty good memory for songs). Maybe a month in a non-speaking, meditative environment would be the way to go. But then I wonder how long it would last after I got back to my world of noise and conveniently accessible media? Maybe it's just as logical to try to train my brain amidst the cacophony it finds itself in.

As I write this the World Cup is on the TV in my room, and I have a Chris Murray song in my head. And, I suppose, I also have these words in there too. I guess for now I should just enjoy the company. :)

while I'm away...

2006-06-10T20:30:00.000-07:00

Lovely Girl!.JPG, originally uploaded by turnonthelight.

I had a "paperwork day" today, which meant I was up to my eyeballs in schedules and other fun stuff. I also had a chance to go for a hike, watch some World Cup... But more importantly, it meant I also had a moment to post this photo of a very attractive girl to my blog.

You might not be able to tell, but when this photo was taken Caitlin was hard at work on her first Off-Off-Broadway show, merely one day after we moved into our new place! And, incidentally, she was offered another production shortly thereafter by a director who saw the show (but had to turn it down because of her "real job").

Banff is rolling along, and I hope what will probably be my last Canadian design in a while goes well. Tomorrow is my day off, officially the calm before the storm. After that it's all go until Vancouver, but I hope to get a post or two in nontheless!

apartment madness and NY

2006-06-04T20:54:00.000-07:00

ah...stolen internet is a wonderful thing. So we've been moving in and unpacking and getting a ridiculously enormous lock put on the door. The other day our malfunctioning intercom was repaired so if any of you happen to drop by you can buzz us, although the malfunctioning intercoms in many of the other buildings have yet to be repaired, and as a result there's a lot of shouting going on in our complex (Phil is the most popular of our neighbours, we think he might be a dealer).

We've also been riding the subway a lot, and I know this is a bit of a cheesy statement that makes me sound like a tourist, but I love the NY subway. The stations have so much character and are such an interesting environment. I discovered a support column at the 72nd street station that had a big chip of paint taken out of it, right down to the metal, and looking at the layers of paint was like looking at rings of a tree. For those of you who know my penchant for peoplewatching, I'm sure you know that I've found a little slice of paradise in the subway. The first day we were here we got embroiled in a religious debate with a crazy man.

That's all for the timebeing, I have some girl waiting for me...later there will be a more detailed account of our move-in days!

we have a place!!!!

2006-05-27T18:10:00.000-07:00

So we just signed a lease today. The apartment is great! Or it will be June 1 when we move in. Holy crap, it's crazy but good! Check out Caitlin's blog for the details.

out of sight out of mind?

2006-05-22T09:50:00.000-07:00

In lieu of a further brief update, I give you this cool thing I stole from my friend Jocelyn. Comment away!

If you comment I will:

1.say something random I like about you
2.tell what song/movie reminds me of you.
3.i'll name something we should do together
4.i'll say something that only makes sense to you & me (or just me)
5.i'll tell my first, clearest memory of you.
6.i'll ask you something i've always wondered about you.
7.if i do all these things, you must post this on your journal so you can do unto others as i have done to you.

brief brief

2006-05-17T14:39:00.000-07:00

I have cleared customs, I am in the USA. It has gone surprisingly smoothly, despite me bringing a couple of tons of baggage for what I have said is only a 2-week vacation.

We *might* have an apartment, fingers crossed!

Caitlin graduates on Sunday, should be a crazy few days coming up.

I'm back in Van on June 18th, and am staying until the 27th - just booked my ticket!

the quick update

2006-05-11T23:19:00.000-07:00

So I dropped off stuff at the Salvation Army the other day. Actually, I dropped off nearly all my stuff. It was hard to look at textbooks and nicknacks and sundry bits of my past on the loading dock, but at the same time I felt like I was being an adult by letting go of all this stuff.

It's like when you stop sleeping with your teddy bear, right? You're sad and you really don't want to, but you know it's something you've got to do. I don't know, it sounds kind of funny on paper, but it's important.

Anyways, holy crap. I have 3 suitcases and a tube of gels. That's about it. Yeah...wow.

Okay, time for sleep. I would write more but I have promises to keep early tomorrow. g'night...

recent events

2006-04-25T01:47:00.000-07:00

It's late, and I think I'll have to keep this brief because I'll be busy tomorrow and am someday planning to adopt a regular sleeping/waking schedule, however here are some things that have been going through my head lately.

I have been getting rid of my stuff. It's surprisingly way easier than it was the last time I moved, maybe because I'm excited about "starting over" in a new city. Of course, there are a few boxes heading to my dad's place too, but anyways...

In what has now been officially dubbed "The Cull" of my material goods, I have noticed that over the years I have amassed many items within a few select categories. I wonder if it's indicative of my subconscious that I have 5 piggy banks, more than 30 now-useless keys, and a box of magic tricks. I also have a large number of pens and pencils, some dating back to when I was in elementary school. Odd...

Today was possibly my last day at the concert hall I've worked at for (amazingly) seven years now. At the end of the call, it happened that I was completely alone in the hall. I stood on the stage and sang, probably badly, but really with my heart. I mean how many times will I get to solo in a concert hall that Yo Yo Ma and Ben Heppner have performed in? I was belting it out, thinking about the performances I'd seen and worked on there, about how I once or twice sneaked in with friends and jammed on the stage in the dead of night, about the relationships I had there with so many people. Then I remembered that the program sound was probably on and I was serenading the entire building outside the hall, and I sneaked away before anyone could make fun of me.

Tomorrow I start a horribly abbreviated design process. The day after tomorrow I hang what for all intents and purposes is a version of American Idol. Pretty last-minute, but should be interesting.

Thank goodness I have so many good friends. I know that kind of came out of nowhere, but I really appreciate the generosity of spirit you all have shown me. You're all great people.

I leave for the USA in 20 days. Holy crap.

well well WELL...

2006-04-13T01:36:00.000-07:00

I'm posting this before a big mass email goes out sometime tomorrow - if you're reading this on Thursday you'll be scooping all your friends.

I got a phone call today: I have been accepted to the Tisch School of the Arts at NYU.

I'm not sure how to put the way I feel about this into words.... It will probably be the most challenging thing I have ever done, and the riskiest. I'm worried and unbelievably excited at the same time.

I'm also, if I may say, proud of myself. I went for it, applied to three of the top schools in the US, and all three want me. Holy crap.

So now comes the other hard part: I need to jump through all the student visa hoops in a very short period of time...

In a totally unrelated vein, today is now (by my clock) Thursday April 13. Happy birthday to one of my favourite artists, Samuel Beckett.

well well...

2006-03-20T23:24:00.000-08:00

I had my second-round interview at my #1 school today, with the head of the department. I think it went pretty well, it was basically a casual conversation after sitting in on a couple of classes. I hope it works out, fingers crossed.

BUT in other news: I got accepted to the second school I applied for!!! So now I have a choice of programs to take this fall, how wild is that!?!? It also bolsters my feeling that I do belong in this city, and that it all will work out well in the end.

Did I mention I was excited? SO excited.

well...

2006-03-19T10:42:00.000-08:00

So I'm still in NYC. I was supposed to be back by now, but it turns out my first-choice school wants me to come back and interview again with them tomorrow.

I applied to/interviewed with three schools. I haven't heard from one, am interviewing again with another, and WAS ACCEPTED TO THE THIRD.

That means now, no matter what, I'm going to be in NYC next fall. I'm hoping that it will be at my #1 choice, but if not I'll be just as happy with (and challenged by) the program that has accepted me.

I am so excited.

probably the last post in a while

2006-02-18T19:33:00.000-08:00

I have a few unstructured minutes (read as: procrastinating from sketching portfolio pictures) so I thought I'd type a little on the next couple of weeks. The reason? Well, I've been feeling a little bad about the lack of blogging I've been doing lately and the likelihood of me actually putting an entry in after tomorrow is pretty low. It's my "catch-up" post in advance, sneaky non?

I'm the TD of a festival here in Vancouver that is going to consume all of my time for the next little while. It's the biggest thing I've been in charge of yet, and I'm a bit apprehensive about making it all work smoothly. So far we've been doing alright, and I have a lot of support from the guy who did it last year, so I'm feeling cautiously optimistic. I think if we can make it through the first setup days we'll be alright.

The day after that wraps up I head to New York. So far I have two interviews lined up for graduate programs there, and I'm working on a third. I think this trip is going to be a little crazy. I'm already getting anxious about how to present myself at the interviews: Casual? Formal? Businesslike? Friendly? What if I say the wrong thing? What if I don't have the answer for their question right then? Yikes. But on the up-side, I'll be in NY with Caitlin (she's on spring break, see the beauty of this plan?) and I'll also (hopefully) get a chance to visit with a few friends in the area. It will also be a taste of what's hopefully going to be a couple of years in NY starting in the fall. It's funny, it seemed so far away not too long ago. Now I'm trying to figure out what I'm going to bring and what I'm going to sell.

I get back on Mar 24th - I hope I don't have to wait too long to find out if I'll be heading to the States this summer as a prospective graduate student or as a prospective undocumented worker. Should be exciting, no matter what...

I blame Quentin Tarantino

2006-02-08T01:28:00.000-08:00

As much as I'd like to see George Clooney get what he deserves, I have to say I was dismayed to see yet another torture scene in a new film tonight.

Spoiler alert: In Syriana George gets his fingernails ripped out by a guy with a pair of pliers.

I've got to say, the new penchant for torture scenes in film is something I really don't like. In fact, I have a pretty low tolerance all-around for that sort of thing. I can remember when I was a kid, I watched the movie Darkman, which by-and-large was a pretty benign film. I was scared shitless by the scene where a character is suffocated with a clear plastic bag and then shot in the head.

I guess you can probably guess my reaction to Resevoir Dogs, which I saw around the same time. Actually, I tried to watch it with my Dad on video, got about 5 minutes in and had to leave - I managed to get all the way through about a year later. Now that was pretty groundbreaking as far as graphic film violence goes, I think. The complete pointlessness of the torture scene disgusted me, and frankly I felt as though the tacit contract of decency between filmmaker and audience had been abused.

Now, I also understand that torture and horrible things are happening all around us, every day. I can see the value in being reminded of that, I suppose; especially since it's been in the news so often lately. But when it comes out of nowhere like that, with no real purpose other than to shock and disgust the audience, I think it's simply cheap filmmaking. The writer and director are using shock tactics to make an impact, but with no real substance behind it.

If I were ever stupid or unlucky enough to see Hostel, you can be assured the rant about that film would be inserted here.

This "more pain is better" mentality just doesn't (excuse the pun) "cut it" with me. I'm trying to think of scenes where that kind of intensely personal violence has been justified by the script. Actually, the first one that comes to mind is Three Kings, where Marky Mark gets force-fed oil. There, buried in one of the worst films I've ever seen, was a great scene that graphically and I think quite eloquently made a point. Or in Shallow Grave, which is littered with violence that all strangely fits, where Ewan McGregor gets half-suffocated in an eerily similar way as in the film that had caused me mild childhood trauma. It made sense, it took about 5 seconds, then it ended - and the impact was still there.

I suppose what I'm trying to say is that I wish the kids would take a minute to stop playing with the newest toy in the box and learn how to use it with a little maturity.

Yikes

2006-02-03T21:24:00.000-08:00

*ahem* Let's just forget about that for the timebeing, okay?

Okay.

After a couple of nights of intense personal ugliness (fueled at times by a surprising amount of alcohol) I think it's getting better. Not sure if I'm getting any better, but it's getting better.

But for now, it's time to work. Today was productive. I hope I can keep building on that productivity in the next week, which could arguably make or break my next month or so.

I was just listening to WireTap, where there was a scene about a girl who found out her dad was reading her blog. Now, I don't think my dad is reading or anything, but it was recently pointed out to me that there might be a far larger group of people reading this than I thought. So, I guess, thanks for reading my infrequent emotional spills and even more infrequent actual updates.

Alright, back to work...

Jesus I'm drunk

2006-02-01T02:14:00.000-08:00

We were on our respective cell phones, talking with our respective significant others. Both searching for support, I guess. Argh.

Frustrated. And maybe a little angry. And proud. And trying to take the high road. And not really succeeding, I think. I wish it could be easier.

I told a friend a little while ago that I like to think of myself as a good guy, but my history doesn't prove that. Another friend likened my situation to alcoholism, but I don't think that's entirely accurate, although maybe there are elements.

So.

Well.

In the end I had an interesting night, had a chance to touch base with friends and to confront things I should be confronting. Tomorrow is another day. And another night. And hopefully something just as productive but a little happier.

hrm

2006-01-24T00:59:00.000-08:00

I can't sleep. I'm not sure if this is due to any or all of the following:

•Angst about pending grad school applications
•My subsequent future in the USSA
•The upcoming festival I'm TDing and the requisite meeting-o-rama tomorrow
•The fact that I ate dinner at about 11:30pm
•My sore shin that was brutalized by the Chan Centre loading dock earlier today
•The fact that we now have a gay-marriage-hating, gun-loving, Kyoto-snubbing, abortion-banning, bible-thumping new minority government

But on the up-side, my restlessness has finally forced me to post - sorry to those who might have wanted to hear anything about my show, the holidays, or anything else that occurred in the past month.

I'm really forcing myself to not rant about Stephen Harper. I'm awake but I'm tired...I don't think I have it in me to give it the effort it needs. But I'm worried. I don't want my country's moral compass to shift as far to the right as I think it will in the next (it pains me to say this) four years. I only hope the rest of the house holds them back from doing anything too insane. I also hope Layton has the balls to admit that he is not the leader for a new, strong NDP, and lets someone under 45 (who can mobilize the young people in this country who are sick of another generation's outdated bullshit agendas) have a shot at leadership of the party. Okay, rant over. For now.

I suppose the positive aspect of this is that I'm feeling a little less sentimental about leaving Canada in the spring. Although Harper is far from Bush, I guess. Much like Mulroney was far from being Pappy Bush. This song seems particularly appropriate to me right now.

Yep, generally discontent. With a little of everything. I'm sure it will settle down (or settle in, or just settle) soon.

holy shit, I have a show

2005-12-10T01:50:00.000-08:00

We lost a day of tech time due to a scheduling "miscommunication" with the presenter. The lighting rental company sent me all the wrong gel strings for my scrollers, lost the gobo I ordered, and hadn't ordered the gel I requested. My operator is unbelievably overqualified and a person I really respect as a designer, and he quietly watched me as the pieces fell apart (pressure I didn't need at the time).

BUT. In the end, despite the adversity, I have a show. And if I do say so, it looks okay. I had another person I really respect say to me that she was proud of my work. That means a lot, but there's still room for improvement.

For now, though, I'm pretty happy.

Ah, but does it mean I'm bluffing?

2005-11-29T00:49:00.000-08:00

I've realized that I have "tells". You know, like in poker? The little thing that gives the person away, behind their placid expression. My friend Dave's brother had a tell whenever he was lying. He'd always stare you right in the eyes, just too long for it to be natural or comfortable. I guess he thought looking anywhere else might give him away.

My tells reveal when I'm working on a design, in particular when the show is drawing near and something surprising like LOSING AN ENTIRE DAY OF TECH TIME happens. The first is obvious: Bags under the eyes, and maybe a few extra creases in the brow. But to gauge exactly how nervous I am you can look for other things too: Constant snacking, and (as nasty as this is) dandruff and zits. So if you see me looking like an obese sixteen-year-old with an itchy scalp (shit, it's like I went back in time 10 years!), you can be sure there's a humdinger of a show about to happen. Not to say it will turn out bad in the end, but it's probably something big enough for me to be pretty worried about.

But anyways...

For those in town, drop me a line and I'll give you the details of the performance dates etc. and you can judge for yourselves.

yikes

2005-11-23T00:12:00.000-08:00

So it's been a pretty intense few days, emotionally. I've been swinging back and forth from fear to happiness to mild depression to outright elation.

I still have some issues to work out, I admit it. I need to figure myself out, even though I'm scared to really look in the mirror these days. If I don't, my unexamined feelings will flare up when I'm stressed or tired, like they did the other night. For now, I'm going to try to do baby steps while trying to get my working life back in gear... Hopefully the holiday will bring a little down time for real self-reflection.

In news from the world that matters, the city has been covered in fog for days and I couldn't be happier. I love the fog, it is strangely comforting to me. I love its closeness, it's coolness on my face, I love how it changes the way things sound. I could walk in the fog forever.

Hmm, not quite the update I was expecting to make; I'll try for something more interesting in a day or two...now it's time to get my procrastinating ass to bed. Night...

oh yes, there will be more posting

2005-11-20T02:20:00.000-08:00

...but I've promise myself I'd get off my fat ass and do some productive work first. I'm only typing this as self-motivation, in fact... how odd.

Things have been slipping out of my control lately. I need to get it together or else it will be bad. Really bad, I fear. So tomorrow is the official Pull Up Your Socks And Get To It day. Hopefully a triumphant post will follow tomorrow night.

Nov 11 ramblings

2005-11-11T12:37:00.000-08:00

...so I got up obscenely early (by comparison with previous days) and headed out to the cenotaph up the street to take part in remembrance day ceremonies. As I reached the corner, I noticed a distinct lack of people and knew I was in the wrong place for the big military to-do. Turns out the cenotaph, which I had passed by a few times but not stopped to examine very closely, was to commemorate the service of Montrealers in French military campaigns during WWII. A little too specific to warrant a gathering, I suppose, but still a little odd that there was no one there.

Since I'd arrived well in advance of 11:11 I decided to wander around the adjacent park for a while. As I walked I thought about how it really is a different world now, and it's only been about 60 years; less than a generation. All my grandparents fought in WWII, and to imagine them doing so always seems a little unbelievable to me. I mean, how could they have taken part in something that seems so distant, relegated to history books and old movies?

Sun shone through the trees, but a freezing cold wind continually swept around me. The puddles from the previous days' rainfall now each had a thick sheet of ice like cut glass on top of them. In the distance I could hear the old prop-planes doing the flypast of the actual ceremony somewhere on the other side of the city.

Remembrance Day always makes me think about my friends as well as my relatives. I think about how we have the chance to not take part in a war like that, and how we're lucky not to have to. In so many other places there are people who have no choice but to fight, and I so often take it for granted that I can work as an artist, not having to worry about my safety or my family's safety, not having to learn how to fire a gun or to fight off an agressor. I don't have to worry that I may never see a friend again because their life is in danger. I hope we all know how lucky we are, and appreciate that.

As I made my way in a large circle through the park, around the man-made lake, I passed a grandfather playing with his grandson. The dance piece I'm here in Montreal for deals largely with the idea of family history, primarily in a native context. One of the characters talks about his grandmother and grandfather and their experiences as Canada was colonized by Europeans. They also fought in a conflict, and ultimately lost.

Back at the cenotaph, my watch ticks over to 11:11. I stand there and think about my grandfathers and grandmothers, and what they did, and how I think they fought in the last justifiable war, and how I'm not sure if I would have participated if I had been in their place. On the nearby street, traffic whisked by and people hurried past. I found it odd that there wasn't more stillness to the 'moment of silence'.

So hey, all (probably five of) you who are reading this blog: I just wanted to say that I appreciate you being around, and that I have had the opportunity to get to know you all. And I hope we never have to make the same choices our relatives did, and that we can somehow help to stop all this stupid pointless fighting that's going on everywhere else in the world. Have a good Remembrance Day...

A quick one from Montreal

2005-11-05T21:52:00.000-08:00

Heyo. So I'm presenting my new-and-improved design tomorrow, and then the work will really begin. The hang was pretty smooth, despite the fact that we were down two crew members, and the guys I'm working closely with seem nice.

I'm a little worried because my choreographer isn't the best at communicating what he wants (and it's not the language barrier, he's like that in French as well I'm told!) and so it will be a bit of a surprise for us all tomorrow when I show him my ideas. The worst case scenario is that I'll have to re-hang and re-focus a bunch of lights. But I guess he liked what I did last time so with any luck I've steered things in the right direction this time.

But hey, I'm in Montreal so what do I have to complain about!? I am quite taken with the city: The rent and food is super-cheap, the people are nice, I actually use the smattering of French I picked up through high school (it still amazes me that I can remember any! I'm such an Anglo).... I think I'll have to come back to stay for a longer period someday. Maybe to retire from my life of crime, like Robert DeNiro did in that film with Edward Norton...

Speaking of films, I just saw "Goodnight and Good Luck," which was quite good. Ah, nothing like a Red Scare film to throw thinly-veiled criticism at the media and the government about recent events. The biggest surprise about the film was that I actually liked George Clooney.

During the previews I saw the movie about Evelyn Glennie which looks great... I'm looking forward to seeing it. When I was working more regularly at the Chan I worked her show. She is super-nice and an amazing percussionist. She made amazingly fluid sounds on the marimba...I never would have expected you could make long tones without the sound of different beats on one. And that's also where I heard my first (and only) snare drum concerto, which was pretty amazing. In the credits for the film I also saw Fred Frith mentioned; I just met him when he performed at the Vancouver New Music Festival! Odd how things connect sometimes.

Anyways, early morning tomorrow so now it's bedtime. Goodnight all!

There's a place where everyone can be happy...

2005-11-02T03:05:00.000-08:00

First of all, some disclaimers...
1: Bad Religion is a great band.
2: Make that the best band ever
3: I don't care what you have to say about Radiohead, Sean Owen (and if you mention Chelsea I might just drop by your house and beat you up).
4: This post is full of über-fan overanalysis, so bear with me.

My left ear is ringing more than my right. My back feels like it's been worked over by a tango-dancing Shiatsu masseuse. I have trouble lifting my arms because they feel so heavy. I'm still smiling. I saw Bad Religion tonight, for the first time in about two years.

It was a good show. Not quite on par with my birthday extravaganza a few years back, but good. Greg Graffin, having flown in from New York hours earlier, was pretty obviously tired, although the rest of the group was trying to make up for it. Tonight's set list was all relatively new material, which was good in a lot of ways: The Empire Strikes First has certainly been their most pointed political commentary since maybe Recipe for Hate (which they also played quite a few tracks from tonight), and the new tunes are probably a lot more sing-able for Greg. As usual it was a good mix of fast and slow-paced stuff, giving us enough time to catch our breath and not whipping the pit up into too much insanity.

Speaking of the pit, I was behind two large men, which suited me fine because I as about 10 FEET AWAY FROM GREG AND WE WERE STARING EACH OTHER RIGHT IN THE EYES. So great. Plus, the big guys were keeping me from getting destroyed by the crowd control barrier so I wasn't complaining at all. My only injuries were (aside from the standard bruising on the back) a strained neck from having a couple of crowd surfers drop on me. I was worried I'd have to show up to Montreal with no teeth or something, but fortunately the Bad Religion fans (except for one really drunk guy) showed their usual class. Everyone was helping each other out and being polite.

For those interested in the lighting and sound (*cough* Caitlin *cough*), they were having some issues. The rig was pretty dismal, to be honest. A standard rock 'n roll PAR plot (o/w, R54, R21) and one system of PARs with scrollers. There was a single row of around 10 cheapass-looking moving lights about 3/4 upstage that seemed to be running on the built-in macros most of the time. I was disappointed, especially since their New America tour was freaking awesome for lighting. They should have hired that designer back. Sound-wise, it seemed that the mix was off (Greg was totally buried) and there was a little feedback every now and again. They complained at the beginning that they weren't getting enough monitors but I guess that was corrected. But this was the first date of their North American tour, so maybe I'm being too harsh; I hope they get the bugs ironed out.

Here's the set list. I think I got all the songs, but they're probably not in order.

Sinister Rouge
Digital Boy
Punk Rock Song
Man With a Mission
Sorrow
Infected
God's Love
Suffer
Them and Us
Atomic Garden
Sanity
Prove It
Epiphany
Recipe for Hate
You
The Defence
No Control
Generator

Encores:
Fuck Armageddon...
Los Angeles is Burning
American Jesus

I was so happy to hear them play You, it's such a great song. I'm still holding out for Unacceptable or *ahem* Turn On The Light one of these days. I imagine that tomorrow will have a lot more older stuff...damn I wish I could be there.

A good memory from tonight: They played their concert version of Generator, which means the first verse is really slow and they ask the crowd to sing along. In true form the crowd rose to the occasion; I was really impressed that the group of people who were supposedly the non-hardcore fans because they got their tickets late knew a relatively obscure tune well enough to sing along. I was sad to see that Brett wasn't there again; I still have yet to see a show with him in his rightful role as guitarist/singer.

Okay, enough for the timebeing...maybe some more posting when I reach Mtl... gnite.

It's that time again

2005-10-31T23:43:00.000-08:00

My room is full of half-organized things. My bed is covered with the contents of a small toolbox, my "über Lighting Designer/Stage Manager's kit": Pencils, staples, printer ink cartriges, tape measure, stopwatch.... My room is strewn with drying laundry, receipts from recent purchases (sweater, courduroy pants, camera flash), two large rolls of gel, a 3-hole punch and a small stack of email printouts.

You can tell I am about to leave town on a job, can't you?

I am feeling far better about this one than the last (a time I won't bother to revisit in this post but I'm sure you know all the dirty details anyway), and that's helping. My head is more together and I really feel like I have a little breathing room to get it all sorted out properly. That said, I'm still nervous.

Anyways, I know the posting has dropped away a little recently, and it most likely will drop away again once I hit Montreal on Wednesday, but if you ever want to check up on me in the next couple of weeks feel free to call, I'd appreciate it.

Time to pack/organize...

Good morning

2005-10-23T14:28:00.000-07:00

Hey, sorry about the rant from last night. I was out with a very belligerent arts-admin drunk and I think some of it rubbed off for a while there. Rest assured, however, that after passing out at some ridiculously early/late hour I'm back to my old self. I discovered a new space off Main & 26th that reminds me a lot of the tiny, shitty "studio" (read: "basement") space I started out in when I left school. Lots of memories of having not enough money for food, and new and creative (if not good) performance flooded back. I might volunteer there if I can find the time, they need help whether they know it or not... :)

Today is another happy day for being a freelancer: I start my first aikido class in years this afternoon, and have massaged my schedule so I can go most Sundays through November. Quite pleased about that. I'm a little worried about injury but I think I'll be okay; time to take it super easy for the first few.

anger and frustration

2005-10-23T05:26:00.000-07:00

a few things have bubbled to the surface in my drunken closing night stupor....

I find myself frustrated with the lack of support emerging and new artists receive. Of all the acts in Canada, I can only point to a small minority who receive the benefits of creativity. How come I cannot write the New Music Audience about how I feel their enthusiasm is encouraged, but their faith has been misplaced? Good lord, so tipsy and uppity right now... maybe something more coherent tomorrow...

(possible) Vindication!

2005-10-20T01:10:00.000-07:00

So I just got an email, the day after I decided to refuse the job that would keep me in Vancouver and virtually unable to design for at least 6 months, from a choreographer I know. It reads: "We have a possible show and residency in banff in June 2006 between the 11 and 21. Would you be available for this?"

And I was able to write back "yes, I am available". Mwa ha!

Of course it might not happen, and it's a long time away....but still, I think that's gotta be a sign that I made the right choice.

No job, no problem

2005-10-18T19:24:00.000-07:00

I'm not that broken up about it. In the end it boiled down to one week in May. I was on the fence and that pushed me onto the side of freedom and uncertainty and, I think, happiness. Now it's time to make the most of my new place and my new outlook. Time to have some fun.

So they offered me the job...

2005-10-14T01:26:00.000-07:00

...and I have until Monday to decide. Wow.

yikes

2005-10-11T20:56:00.000-07:00

So I had the interview today, for a job that pays about twice as much a year than I have ever made. The funny thing is, the interview went well and as a result I'm nervous. I don't know if I want the job, because it would probably mean closing off opportunities to design. But really that much cash makes me wonder exactly how bad it would be to do a low-design year...

I'm scared whenever I answer the phone now. You have to laugh don't you?

issssues

2005-10-11T00:34:00.000-07:00

I'm having a slightly angst-y time tonight. Trying to fit back in to the old routine and the old scene has brought up a lot of self-doubt and fear.

First off, I'm old. Officially. If you don't know which birthday I just celebrated then I won't tell you. Now I'm the oldest one in a couple of circles of friends, and it's a bit of a tough shift. I certainly don't feel old, I have about the same certainty of my future I had when I was 16. Less even. Unfortunately the fact remains. I found a couple of pictures tonight that were taken 3 years ago. I look different. I can see the age on my face in the mirror now, and it's only been 3 years!

It occurred to me tonight that my dad was the age I am now when I was born. That's kind of disturbing. In theory, doesn't that mean I should have my shit together enough to support 2 other people? I can barely take care of myself, and my dismal financial picture certainly wouldn't hold up to any further burden than my own broke ass.

All that said, I do have a job interview tomorrow. The job pays $40K a year, but I'd most likely be paying for it myself, in aggravation and limited chances to design outside of it. It worries me that I am scared of getting the job, as well as passing up the opportunity. Maybe it's a moot point....they may not offer it to me.

For the first time in quite a while I'm feeling lonely. It's not even rational, really, because I know there are people around to hang out with. It's just that when I'm left alone in my apartment I begin to feel depressed, and kind of scared, really. I don't know why this is.

The personal life is still a little out of whack - I have yet to make contact with the girl I was going out with for a brief time this spring, when my emotional compass couldn't find north and was spinning pretty wildly. I'm told by others that she's doing all right, which makes me happy. I have a hard time reconciling my feelings about our relationship; I don't think it was wrong of us to try, but I wrecked a longstanding friendship and that's something I regret every day. The last conversation I had with her (actually she delivered something of a monologue to me and then quicky left the scene) ended with her saying "have a nice life". Literally, that's what she said. I can't believe my actions could cause a reaction like that. But I have to believe I guess, because it's happened before. More than once. I never thought of myself as a bad guy, you know? Guess you never can tell.

Enough of this. I have to take stock of the things I've been avoiding so I can make things right, now and in the future right? Older, yes. Wiser? I doubt it, but the experiences add up to something of a better picture of me. Just have to keep looking...

A few words on the CBC

2005-09-25T12:17:00.000-07:00

I have been delinquent lately. Since I have been away in the US the CBC, Canada's one and only public broadcaster, has been embroiled in a labour dispute. The union representing over 5000 CBC journalists, technicians, and other CBC workers has been locked out by the corporation. The reason the CBC has locked out its employees is because the Canadian Media Guild has refused to roll over and allow its members' jobs to be threatened by lower-cost temporary workers.

I have had an unusually close relationship with the CBC over the years because my mother works for them in public relations. I have had brushes with a lot of Canadian icons as a result. I have met Peter Mansbridge, and I have met Ian Hanomansing. I have had dinner with Bob, Roger, Luba and John from the Air Farce. When I was in high school I was an unofficial 'intern' for a few weeks with Bob Robertson and Linda Cullen from Double Exposure, and made friends with Todd and Gary, their producer and technician. I've played frisbee with Gloria Makarenko and her two children. Once, I went down to the CBC building after my first day of classes and ran into Jurgen Goth, who asked why I wasn't in class (we'd met before). I explained that it was just a half-day on the first day of classes. He then went into the Disc Drive studio, live, and said in his deep, soft voice: "and for all you teachers, it's the first day of school so kick back, pour yourself another B-52 and get ready for the next 9 months." I've sat next to Shania Twain and David Usher at the Junos. I listened to more classical music than I can clearly remember over the years (sadly I wish I could retain it better). I crawled through the log on the Fred Penner's Place set.

Over the years I have also seen the CBC get downsized again and again, as the federal government continually slashed its budget. I watched my mother's department shrink more and more, and continually be "restructured" as manager after manager was flown in from Toronto in futile attempts to make the underfunded, overworked, ever fewer employees produce as well as they used to with more money and in more numbers.

I went to visit my mother at work last year, it had been about 6 months since I had last been there. I was shocked to find that most of the floor she worked on was now empty. It was so changed that I thought I had made a mistake and got off on the wrong floor. The once-bustling floor was eerily quiet, its desks empty and bare, and it seemed like much too great a distance as I ventured to the far end of the floor, and discovered my mother and her co-workers. My mother's department had for the most part been forced to move out of their individual offices and into cubicles (situated in what used to be the hallway). I was told that this was the latest manager's idea to increase employee productivity, by sacrificing their privacy.

A little over a year ago the CBC in Vancouver closed its scenery shop because it didn't have the budget to keep operating. Most of the studios lie empty, waiting for an outside film or TV shoot to rent the space. I recently learned that they've decided to sell the parking lot adjacent to their building to a condo developer. The development will be called "TV Towers".

Some of my friends say that the CBC, especially CBC radio, is doing poorly because it isn't relevant to young Canadians. A few years ago Radio Sonic, CBC's Vancouver-based "alternative music" program went off the air. CBC Radio 3, the CBC's internet-based radio station, and Zed, CBC TV's late-night independent film program, are rumored to be on the chopping block, as is Brave New Waves. These are some of the CBC's most progressive projects aimed at younger listeners, projects that are relevant to (and developed by) people my age. I can only guess how long they will survive after this lockout, especially if the CMG fails and employees' rights are further eroded.

This spring, my mother was informed that her entire department, as well as all regional public relations departments across Canada were to be closed and replaced by a single, Toronto-based advertizing firm.

And now we are in the midst of the lockout. The CBC has flown managers from across Canada to Toronto, where the corporation is putting them up in hotels and giving them per diems to keep basic services running. While the CBC plays reruns of old programs it is saving millions of dollars, trying to stretch out "negotiations" as long as possible to exhaust union funds and demoralize the union membership.

And in the middle of all this bleakness, some hope. I recently found the CBC Unplugged and CBC Unlocked websites, two of many sites developed as a response to the lockout. Fed up with management, CBC employees are trying to do their jobs anyway, independently. CBC Unplugged's podcast can be found on the site (as well as on iTunes) and it is incredible to hear the hosts and correspondents I have known for so long fulfilling the CBC's mission of truly public radio, completely independent of the corporation. The last CBC Unplugged podcast (recorded at CiTR at UBC) was apparently the number one podcast in Canada; I have never been more proud of these people as I am now.

And now a favour to ask you all. Please do not brush this aside because without your help the union will run of money eventually, and employees will buckle and accept the corporation's 'offer'. Please go here and find out how you can help. And if you've already done your part tell your friends about it, get them involved. Please. The more pressure the government and the corporation feels, the better it will be for the union, the CBC in general, and ultimately for all of us.

Mental health break

2005-09-15T09:38:00.000-07:00

It's a little odd to be on holiday after the nonstop spring/summer. I am glad to have the opportunity though, and I'm taking my time and taking it slow.

This is now a time to regroup, I think. I've been trying to change my diet, get a little more active, and start prioritizing and preparing for the coming weeks and months.

Part of me is feeling reluctant to go back home, maybe because the last impressions I had there were stressful and negative. Perhaps after another couple of weeks I will feel differently, after I've really had a chance to relax and sort things out.

Too much to say, too much to ask

2005-09-04T09:47:00.000-07:00

I have been away too long.

In the time I've been away I've grown skinny, grown fat again, and now am equalizing back to where I was in February.

In the time I've been away I've been petrified with fear about my abilities as a leader and as an artist, felt the happiness and pride of success, gained a lot of confidence about my work and my own potential, and seen the mountain of things I can improve.

In the time I've been away I've had my personal life fall to pieces around me, and had it fly back together -too quickly- with a new person; I experienced the unbelievable joy of that relationship, and had it fall apart again because I was nowhere near ready to think straight about my own feelings and therefore a new relationship. Now, more grounded, I'm back with the girl I've been in love with for almost 4 years now.

In the time I've been away my grandfather died, and I realized how important my distant relatives are to me.

In the time I've been away I think my dad is going to become a dad again; soon he'll be moving in with his girlfriend and her daughter.

In the time I've been away I've never been more uncertain of my future, but excited by the fact that anything can happen.

In the time I've been away I've found -and lost- a few very good friends, and I don't really know whether to be happy or sad.

In the time I've been away I've been home for about a month.

In the time I've been away, I've found home more times than I can really remember.

Now I just might be back. We'll see.

Oh, and...

2005-06-20T01:21:00.000-07:00

Another survey tells it like it is...

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who have a split personality - cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart.

In love, you feel the most alive when everything is uncertain, one moment heaven... the next moment hell.

You'd like to your lover to think you are flexible and ready for anything!

You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage.

In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

What the fuck is going on with me?

2005-06-20T00:34:00.000-07:00

Er, yeah. That pretty much sums it up. My life is in chaos. Even when I think it's coming together it cracks and falls to pieces around me.

I know I'm in a hyper-emotional state these days, but this is ridiculous. I used to ignore my heart and follow what my good sense told me. Of course, sometimes it wasn't that good but I had a pretty decent track record for a while there. Then I began to trust my heart more and it took me to amazing places. For a long time it's been great, a good balance of sensibility and romance. Now I feel I can't trust my head or my heart. They tell me conflicting things, which isn't that new, but then they switch sides of the argument. My heart tells me determinedly "yes, do this" and my head tells me "whoa there, let's sort this out a bit", then all of a sudden I think I have sorted it out: I know what I want and I'm going to go for it....but my heart is scared.

It's a weird thing for me to not trust my own judgement, or my own feelings. I think I will get it all under control in time, but there doesn't seem to be time, or one of my two warring halves doesn't want to take time. Which part of me is writing this entry right now? Where can I find some perspective? I need to think about this a lot more.

Arg.

Here I am...sort of

2005-06-04T12:37:00.000-07:00

Well. It's been a while eh?

I have been through a lot of things lately, my world has kind of fallen apart, then put itself back together, then fallen apart again, and now is sort of rebuilt. FOr some reason I just had an image of the half-built Death Star...thank you movies for giving me such a brilliant creative vocabulary.

This week is the week for me to start pulling it together - how that will go I don't know. With any luck I'll be able to make sense of it on 'paper' too.

I'm a jeenius

2005-03-15T14:48:00.000-08:00

Some girl on blogger thinks I'm smart! I feel so validated....so validated I might stop posting quiz results and actually write something one day.

English Genius
You scored 100% Beginner, 93% Intermediate, 93% Advanced, and 88% Expert!

You did so extremely well, even I
can't find a word to describe your excellence! You have the uncommon
intelligence necessary to understand things that most people don't. You
have an extensive vocabulary, and you're not afraid to use it properly!
Way to go!

Thank you so much for taking my test. I hope you enjoyed it!

For the complete Answer Key, visit my blog: http://shortredhead78.blogspot.com/.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 65% on Beginner
You scored higher than 28% on Intermediate
You scored higher than 40% on Advanced
You scored higher than 95% on Expert

Link: The Commonly Confused Words Test written by shortredhead78 on Ok Cupid

New York

2005-03-10T09:09:00.000-08:00

So I'm sitting in my friend Chris's apartment waiting for Caitlin to come back from her interview with Focus. I can't really go anywhere because there's only one set of keys and Caitlin has them...so it's time to update, I think.

The apartment is on the 12th floor, next to it is a large gothic-style church. From the bedroom I'm staying in, I can look down and see the roof, oxidized copper-plated ribs on wood shingles in that distinctive shape of nave and apse. The enormous green-copper steeple almost comes to the height of my window, and little dragon-gargoyles point off in all directions at its base. I expect some sort of comic-book trableau to be in progress every time I look out the window, especially at night. All around are tall office buildings, they all can see into the poorly-masked bedroom. In the mornings I can see a minimum of 30 people at their individual desks. Taking the phone booth-sized elevator down to street level I pass the back door to one of the neighbouring restaurants (there is a constant noise from kitchen late into the night) down the narrow hallway, past the front desk (occupied in the evenings by a large, long haired, tattooed guy in a wifebeater) and out onto the street. I walk half a block. Literally. I am in Times Square. People are everywhere, buying, selling, commuting, the place is thick with tourists snapping pictures. I left my camera in Vancouver otherwise I might be one of them; maybe I should be happy about that.

Time to go explore...

Oh, internet quizzes...

2005-02-20T03:21:00.000-08:00

From my friend Paige's Journal:

20 Questions to a Better Relationship
eXpressive: 8/10
Practical: 4/10
Physical: 9/10
Giver: 4/10

You are a XSYT--Expressive Sentimental Physical Taker. This makes you a Firebrand.

You are volatile, sexy and sexually driven. You're magnetic and fascinating, but you don't really enjoy playing the field -- it makes you nervous and preys on your insecurites. But when you fall for someone you fall hard.

You tend to over-analyze things, so the slightest comment or action from your significant other can send you into a tailspin. You crave attention and validation from your loved ones, so if your friends don't like your partner or your partner doesn't like your friends it makes you suffer. Unfortunately the two are often in conflict -- you have excellent insight with your friends, but in a relationship you are blind. Trust your friends!

You blow hot and cold, with big highs and big lows. This makes the bad times very bad but the good times very good, so you tend to stay in a problem relationship much longer than you should. But when a relationship fails, you hold a grudge. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but make sure your grudge doesn't cloud your vision the other way!

What would help you most in your relationships is confidence. You need someone who can help you feel good about yourself and not worse.

You can be needy and jealous. Fortunately you are cute as hell.

Of the 200726 people who have taken this quiz, 5.6 % are this type.

Sweet flashbacks

2005-02-19T00:22:00.000-08:00

I've noticed something interesting about my music listening habits in the last week or two. It seems I've been putting on CDs from my grade 12/first year of UBC era. I think it's because I've been feeling a lot of the same emotions I had when I first bought them: The last month has been full of change for me, and after more than a year of the same kind of work I'm feeling excited and a little scared about what's coming.

It's probably the most risky feeling I've had since when I was the only guy from my grad class to attend UBC. I'm going to be out of my comfort zone again, among strangers and under scrutiny. The nervous excitement has made me less interested in my usual laid-back ska/skapunk/alternativey stuff, and brought me back into the faster-paced hardcore and punk world. And I must say it's great to get back in touch with this part of me, the part that used to jump around to music instead of using it as wallpaper.

So, in hommage to my rediscovered musical history, here are some of the albums I've listened to in the last little while...excuse me while I bounce around my room:

Snuff - Snuff Said
The Suicide Machines - S/T
AFI - Shut Your Mouth and Open Your Eyes
Propagandhi - How To Clean Everything
Rancid - Let's Go
Lard - Pure Chewing Satisfaction
NOFX - Punk in Drublic
MXPX - Life in General
Bad Brains - S/T
Dead Kennedys - Plastic Surgery Disasters/In God We Trust Inc.
Bad Religion - Suffer

I know, I know...real post next week

2005-02-06T22:59:00.000-08:00

Take the quiz: "What Kind Of Weapon Are you?"

Nuclear Bomb
You're a Nuclear Bomb! You are by far the most dangerous and destructive of all the weapons. You're also the most advanced. You're cold and completely indifferent, destroying everything you can without feeling, remorse or regret. You also leave a nasty aftertaste: Radiation. You plague people for years, poisoning and killing the ones you didn't destroy from the get-go. You are the only weapon with the true ability to destroy mankind. You're horrible.

More excitement

2005-01-28T01:24:00.000-08:00

This Saturday I am meeting an up-and-coming dancer to talk about the possibility of designing her show! People have been working overtime to hype me up, it seems. Again I'm kind of nervous, but damn this is shaping up to be a fun few months.

Ooh, and I officially got my first journal shout-out today! It was in response to my allegedly smooth presentation to a class full of people who seemed to much rather be getting away for lunch.

In more boring news, thank goodness I have 9-5 off tomorrow. The contents of my cupboard are: A jar of honey, a bag of sweet sweet gruau, a box of pasta, and various curry-related spices. The contents of my fridge are: A quarter jar of peanut butter, an end-piece of bread, a tiny quantity of parmesean cheese, and a jar of salsa. Yes, tomorrow is time to get some food.

Here we go!

2005-01-25T16:49:00.000-08:00

So I am now officially touring Eastern Canada, a dance tour, at the end of April/beginning of May. I am the designer. I am also unbelievably excited and nervous. The companies are well known, and, as a friend told me, "this is your opportunity to get recognition on the national level." Wow.

cough

2005-01-20T17:25:00.000-08:00

Woo! Gotta love the drunkpost, eh? Er, I mean...who was that wierdo waxing philisophical on my blog?

Random Livejournal-esque entry

2005-01-20T03:17:00.000-08:00

Good lord! I've had a surreal evening, making me believe (until I get up all too soon at an ungodly hour) that life is more a game than not. So many good things have happened in the last 24 hours as to offset the bad: I'm feeling good but scared, I'm sad it looks like I can't take a job that would stretch me further than ever before (we'll see), and I'm glad to be able to shore up my friends and friendships... Life rocks, in its own strange way....

Music: Mirah - Sweeptakes Prize
The Pixies - Gigantic
Ani - Names & Dates & Times
Planet Smashers - Pierce Me

Some day my post will come...

2005-01-17T23:34:00.000-08:00

Things have been really busy, so busy I can't write anything coherent. In fact, I'm about to go to bed since I'm getting up in 5 hours. But first, since I promised I'd put these up for Caitlin, here are a couple of quotes:

"I enlisted with all the enthusiasm that so many people went into World War Two with..."The Good War," in quotation marks...but so many people who went into that "good war" came out of that war not as certain as they'd gone into it. Not because they'd developed an affinity for Fascism...because that was what gave us the moral purpose, that was what gave us the enthusiasm - a war against Fascism. And the assumption was (a very dangerous assumption): That if the enemy is evil, then your side must be good."

"What happened in World War Two was what happens in war generally, and that is: Whatever the initiating cause and however clear the moral reason is...in which one side looks better than the others...by the time the war ends both sides have been engaged in evil."

-Howard Zinn

Quote of the day

2005-01-15T20:49:00.000-08:00

From my boss Derek, in response to my recent disgruntledness: "The contract says the house tech is here to service the client, so I hope you brought your lip gloss!"

The definition of work

2005-01-13T18:03:00.000-08:00

I sometimes think my job is hard. I have very tight deadlines a lot of the time, and a lot of things I am directly responsible for. Every now and again I think to myself "I wish my job was easier...wouldn't it be cool to get paid for just sitting at a desk somewhere?"

Well I wish that no longer.

For the past day I have been for all intents and purposes exiled to a small room with only the computer (and once or twice my wonderful girlfriend on the phone) to keep me company. It turns out I am working essentially as the building rep while a client takes over the space. The client doesn't want my help, even though there are jobs I can do for them. I don't think I have ever been actually bored at work before and I don't like the feeling. Not only that, but I'm still on the hook if something goes awry - they won't call me unless it's an emergency so I can't even wander off and take a nap (not like I'd actually do that at work, although I have been tempted) in case something explodes. Add that to personality conflicts with the client and you have a recipe for a fun day. Oh well, tomorrow marks the beginning of a new phase of work. If only tomorrow would hurry up and get its ass over here....

Oh, and by the way,

You scored as Drama nerd.

Drama nerd

88%

Punk/Rebel

81%

Goth

69%

Loner

69%

Geek

63%

Stoner

63%

Ghetto gangsta

19%

Prep/Jock/Cheerleader

What's Your High School Stereotype?
created with QuizFarm.com

Just in case you were wondering. :)

Holiday time!

2004-12-18T15:14:00.000-08:00

So looking back on the last few entries I've realized that I must seem like a pretty sorry specimen of twentysomething angst. I apologize for not focusing on the brighter side of things, but I guess the 'ol blog is my outlet for the stuff I'd rather not shout from the rooftops. In an attempt to balance the scales a little...

I just finished my last work shift of 2004! "But how," you ask "can you take such a long vacation? Aren't you an impoverished, starving meta-artist?"

Well, in fact you're right - my bank account is still drifting towards the rocks, I still eat the same bland, cheap stuff I ate in school (sadly, by choice), and I probably need as much exposure to the art form I propose to one day master that I can get.....BUT I have a blessed two-and-a-bit weeks with Caitlin beginning in, ooh...45.25 hours or so! Hooray! Expect little-to-no-posting for the duration.

Not only that, but the Xmas cards went out today! Now, this is pretty much the only redeeming feature of these holidays to me: You get a chance to (concealed in corny phrases like so much shiny wrapping) tell people how much you appreciate them without feeling like too much of an idiot. Not only that, but if your horrible attempts at writing your emotions in one high-pressure stream of counsciousness within the unforgiving limits of the card somehow go awry, it's okay because everyone knows Xmas cards are frivolous trinkets that 90% of the world use as an excuse to remind people not to forget them in their will, and therefore never suspect that you actually meant anything you put down! It's a win-win situation, mwa ha! For those whose addresses I don't know I say it now: Have a great Xmas and a very happy new year, because wonderful people like you deserve one if anybody does.

What else is great about being on holiday finally? The Xmas music is coming out! Yes now it's time to listen to such timeless classics as Easy E's "Merry Muthafuckin' Christmas," TLC's "Sleigh Ride," and my personal favourite: Bad Religion's live version of "Silent Night."

Time to plug in the lights, hope they a) work and b) don't start a fire, kick back with a seriously alcoholic hot chocolate made by an amazing American girl, and relax.

Happy Holidays Everyone.