What the fuck is going on with me?

Er, yeah. That pretty much sums it up. My life is in chaos. Even when I think it's coming together it cracks and falls to pieces around me.

I know I'm in a hyper-emotional state these days, but this is ridiculous. I used to ignore my heart and follow what my good sense told me. Of course, sometimes it wasn't that good but I had a pretty decent track record for a while there. Then I began to trust my heart more and it took me to amazing places. For a long time it's been great, a good balance of sensibility and romance. Now I feel I can't trust my head or my heart. They tell me conflicting things, which isn't that new, but then they switch sides of the argument. My heart tells me determinedly "yes, do this" and my head tells me "whoa there, let's sort this out a bit", then all of a sudden I think I have sorted it out: I know what I want and I'm going to go for it....but my heart is scared.

It's a weird thing for me to not trust my own judgement, or my own feelings. I think I will get it all under control in time, but there doesn't seem to be time, or one of my two warring halves doesn't want to take time. Which part of me is writing this entry right now? Where can I find some perspective? I need to think about this a lot more.

Arg.