our neighbours
The holidays are all about community, right? Coming together and celebrating our commonality as "fellow-passengers to the grave, and not another race of creatures bound on other journeys". Well not in New York Fuckin' City, I assure you. Here, then, is a brief rundown of those nearest, if not dearest, to us.
Upstairs: The Family Feud
This family of 2 thirtysomething sisters, a younger daughter and one teenage son live in a state of perpetual conflict with one-another. Argument topics range from "I hate _____ because she doesn't say hello to me and you asked her to come over" to "go back to the store and get the right fuckin' milk". That particular argument culminated in a screaming match in the stairwell outside our apartment, causing one of the angry sisters to throw a shoe at the teenage boy's head, which missed and hit our door, waking me from a nice nap.
Downstairs: The Music Man
I think he owns one CD, possibly two. He only has two CDs because he evidently sank all his money into the world's loudest sound system. His music of choice is bad R&B with repetitive walking bass lines. You can tell it's Friday, Saturday, or Sunday because the two CDs play in rotation from about 10am-midnight each day. Caitlin and I can hum the bass from most of the tunes.
To the Left: The Bad Week
This poor guy...I really became aware of him when a few months ago I heard a godawful drilling noise coming from outside, and discovered a locksmith drilling his front door lock. He had apparently locked himself out. After about an hour of drilling, prying and banging (he has the lock that's a grade below our fabulous Monster Lock, which gives me hope for the security of our apartment) he finally got in, proclaiming "thank you Jesus!" The Locksmith then went about installing the new lock. About 45 minutes after that, following the locksmith's departure, I hear my neighbour leave the apartment, then the door slam, then "OH SHIT!" There is now a gaping hole from which the new lock was forcibly removed about an hour later - he doesn't have enough money to buy another lock, but fortunately the smaller lock in the door handle still works. He is single, and comes home every night and turns the TV on very loudly, so loudly that his female friend from downstairs has to pound on the door for several minutes before he answers.
To the Right: The Cockroaches
Best neighbours ever, provided they don't visit. The apartment next to us is vacant and has been since we moved in. It's in the "re-modeling" stage right now, which means it's gutted and infested with roaches. We had the exterminator by a little while ago to stop their periodic migration to our kitchen, and so far it's working out.
And in an as-yet-unknown location: The Noisy Lovers
Oh baby. Oh baby. OH BABY. YES. YES. OHHHHHH YES. Once to twice a week. They may not be in our building at all, perhaps across the courtyard. Entertainment for the whole block, though, to be sure. :)
Upstairs: The Family Feud
This family of 2 thirtysomething sisters, a younger daughter and one teenage son live in a state of perpetual conflict with one-another. Argument topics range from "I hate _____ because she doesn't say hello to me and you asked her to come over" to "go back to the store and get the right fuckin' milk". That particular argument culminated in a screaming match in the stairwell outside our apartment, causing one of the angry sisters to throw a shoe at the teenage boy's head, which missed and hit our door, waking me from a nice nap.
Downstairs: The Music Man
I think he owns one CD, possibly two. He only has two CDs because he evidently sank all his money into the world's loudest sound system. His music of choice is bad R&B with repetitive walking bass lines. You can tell it's Friday, Saturday, or Sunday because the two CDs play in rotation from about 10am-midnight each day. Caitlin and I can hum the bass from most of the tunes.
To the Left: The Bad Week
This poor guy...I really became aware of him when a few months ago I heard a godawful drilling noise coming from outside, and discovered a locksmith drilling his front door lock. He had apparently locked himself out. After about an hour of drilling, prying and banging (he has the lock that's a grade below our fabulous Monster Lock, which gives me hope for the security of our apartment) he finally got in, proclaiming "thank you Jesus!" The Locksmith then went about installing the new lock. About 45 minutes after that, following the locksmith's departure, I hear my neighbour leave the apartment, then the door slam, then "OH SHIT!" There is now a gaping hole from which the new lock was forcibly removed about an hour later - he doesn't have enough money to buy another lock, but fortunately the smaller lock in the door handle still works. He is single, and comes home every night and turns the TV on very loudly, so loudly that his female friend from downstairs has to pound on the door for several minutes before he answers.
To the Right: The Cockroaches
Best neighbours ever, provided they don't visit. The apartment next to us is vacant and has been since we moved in. It's in the "re-modeling" stage right now, which means it's gutted and infested with roaches. We had the exterminator by a little while ago to stop their periodic migration to our kitchen, and so far it's working out.
And in an as-yet-unknown location: The Noisy Lovers
Oh baby. Oh baby. OH BABY. YES. YES. OHHHHHH YES. Once to twice a week. They may not be in our building at all, perhaps across the courtyard. Entertainment for the whole block, though, to be sure. :)
posted by Mike at 8:25 PM
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